BFA'S 4TH ANNUAL
ETHNIC CLEANSING AWARDS!
The 4th Annual Ethnic Cleansing Awards
ranks the top 20 people most in need of a good old-fashioned
ethnic cleansing
Bob
from Accounting is proud to present our list of the
worst and most annoying of 2006. Yes, we understand
the definition of ethnic cleansing in the traditional
sense. While we feel ethnic cleansing is generally
a bad thing, there are obvious (and less obvious)
exceptions. Do we want these people dead? Perhaps.
But more realistically we want them vanquished, banished
and never heard from again. This year may include
some surprises and some no-brainers. If we left people
out, we apologize. The rankings were compiled from
a strict scientific sample based the opinions of our
bitter, underpaid staffers. READ
THE RESULTS»
BFA'S
GUIDE TO REALLY BAD VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT IDEAS
As
much as it pains us to accept yet another Hallmark-sponsored
exercise in American consumerism, the facts are simple:
If you are unlucky enough to have a significant other
on February 14, that significant other expects something.
Something good. Here's a little guide so you don't
fuck it up (unless that's your goal).
Read
the guide »
BOB
SETS RECORD FOR BREAKING NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
TIMELINE Jan. 1, 2007
12:03am:
Tells girl at New Year's Party he has to leave to
get early start on "first day of the rest of
his life"
12:06am: Phones hooker, but says he "just
wants to talk"
12:33am: Has intercourse with hooker
12:44am: Wakes up. Discovers he was robbed. Resumes
smoking habit
12:46am: Resumes bourbon habit
12:55am: Obsesses about hot Asian girl at work
that barely knows he's alive
1:01am: First self-gratification of 2007
1:20am: Begins new low carb diet by eating 2 sticks
of butter, no bread
1:49am: Second self-gratification of 2007 involves
butter
9:00am: Gets up early to begin work on novel and/or
screenplay
9:14am: Gets distracted by Meredith Veira on The
Today Show. Google's her repeatedly.
9:27am: Third self gratification of 2007
