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California
Gubernatorial candidate Bob From Accounting declared war on obscure
25-year-old independent candidate Brooke
Adams, after failing to convince her to drop out of the race
or consider going out on a date with him. Bob referred to Adams
as a whiny, little attention whore and direct byproduct of the horrible
education system in California. Adams responded that Bob was an
overweight, unemployed a leech on the taxpayers and she would not
date him if he was the last man on Earth.
Read the correspondence below
In a message dated 9/18/03 3:16:31 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
 Dear
Ms. Adams,
I was delighted to see such a nice young
woman such as yourself become a candidate for Governor of California.
I have spent a considerable time on your impressive
website and I saw you on the local news here in Los Angeles
so I thought I would write you a letter as both a voter as a fellow
candidate. I was wondering if you could spell out in a bit more
detail how you feel about some of the more important issues. I've
got my own opinions of course, so don't worry about me stealing
all your ideas, but could you tell me about your platform and how
you feel about all those Prop thingies people are always talking
about. It would really help me if I decide to vote for someone other
than myself. Thanks!
Bob From Accounting
In a message dated 9/18/03 5:13:12 PM, brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
 Dear
Bob,
Thank you for your letter. I did recall hearing
about you being involved in this election. I do wish you luck. It
is important that all of our voices are heard, not just career politicians
and movie stars. I wish you all the best. See you on October 7th.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/19/03 1:46:23 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
Dear Ms. Adams,
Thanks for your note. You didn't answer my
questions, however. Even though I'm a candidate and your competition,
I think that it's great that we can speak to each other and not
start calling each other names and doing all that negative campaigning.
Don't you just hate Gray Davis though? He's got a really whiny voice.
Do you think he's gay? I sure do. Anyway, let me ask you this --
what would you do to solve this budget crisis stuff that's going
on here? I always sound like such a dunce whenever someone asks
me so I thought I'd ask a really smart person like yourself.
Bob
In a message dated 9/19/03 2:16:45 PM, brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
 Dear
Bob,
Thanks again for your letter. The main challenges
will be providing a clear and concise vision for California, providing
leadership and finding where we can cut back . The governor is a
leader and part of a population. A challenge will be developing
trust, presence and respect among other leaders. Right away I would
call a special session of the Legislature to assess the budget and
find out what programs and services are unnecessary so I can reduce
spending. Then I would propose a flat tax instead of our current
tax system. I'm not sure about Gray Davis being a homosexual but
if he is, then I strongly disagree with his lifestyle choice.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/20/03 9:35:29 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
Dear Brooke,
Wow, that sounded really smart! I was thinking
I'd probably do the same stuff mostly. Do you mind if I use a couple
of those ideas? Also, I hope you don't mind if I call you Brooke
since this is like my third letter to you. Listen, all that stuff
you said is really neat but it's really kind of boring don't you
think? Let me let you in on a little secret, I'm running for Governor
because the donation money I get is helping pay my car payments
and visa bill, but you didn't hear that from me, lol! I'm guessing
that you're doing it more for the attention. But seriously, were
you really a cheerleader in high school and homecoming queen? That's
really cool. When I was in high school, the prom queen spit on me,
but it wasn't her fault because I dumped pigs blood on her as a
joke (I saw that in a movie once). Anyway, I was thinking we should
really pool our resources together. Just think how powerful we would
be together! Not together as in dating or anything-- but together
in terms of politics and stuff. What do you think?
Bob
 In
a message dated 9/20/03 10:43:31 PM, brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
Dear Bob,
Thanks for your letter. I don't mind if you
call me Brooke. I think that what's happening in the state of California
is very important and I take my candidacy very seriously. I'm not
doing this for attention. Even though I'm only 25 years old, I'm
very mature for my age and I'm smarter than most of my friends.
I don't have a lot of political experience except my father is a
judge and he's really helped me to understand the process. I do
wish you luck with your campaign but elections involve individuals
and since you are in a sense my competition, I cannot really help
you or pool our resources like you say.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/20/03 11:50:13 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
Dear Brooke,
I think you are right. Pooling our resources
seems silly because only one of us can win. How many votes do you
think you'll get? I think I'll probably get a HUGE amount. I don't
want to intimidate you but I've been an accountant for many years
even though I'm unemployed right now, but I think that I have a
lot of experience the voters are really looking for. Anyway, I don't
want to tell you what to do or anything but I think it would be
a nice gesture if you were to consider ending your campaign and
perhaps jump on board the Bob bandwagon. I certainly don't mean
that in a sexual way. I just mean that I really will need a chief
of staff or someone to handle my campaign donations and perhaps
you could have time to do that once you drop out of the race.
Bob
In a message dated 9/21/03 12:18:14 PM, Brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
 Dear
Bob,
Thanks for your offer but I have no intention
of dropping out of the race. In fact, I am very confident that I
will be the winner on October 7th and will be elected the youngest
governor ever elected to this state.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/21/03 1:43:22 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
Dear Brooke,
Yeah, that would be neat but I think it's
time that you were a bit more realistic. I really think you would
be better off quitting and helping my campaign. I don't mean to
be rude, but let's face it, you probably don't have much of a chance.
It's not your fault. After all, you are the product of the horrible
California school system. Don't take this the wrong way but I saw
you on the news the other day and you sounded sort of like Forrest
Gump. Actually, you didn't really sound retarded as much as you
sounded drunk. Hey, have you ever done ecstasy? That's a lot of
fun, huh?
Bob
In a message dated 9/21/03 4:53:39 PM, Brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
Dear Bob,
I haven't ever done drugs and I never will.
I'm sorry but I do not have time to be writing you back and forth
with these comments. I need to concentrate on winning this campaign
which I'm confident I will because I speak for the young generation
and nobody else does.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/21/03 6:18:34 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
 Dear
Brooke,
Yeah, I hate drugs too -- I was just trying
to see what you would say. I saw your old high school photos and
I sure hope the other kids didn't tease you back then for being
all goody goody and prude . I know how cruel kids can be. I think
you have really blossomed nicely because I noticed that in your
earlier photos your kind of chubby and gawky looking. Anyway, you
look really hot now. I say that with the utmost respect. I especially
like what you did with your hair. . So listen, I was thinking that
maybe you and I could like grab a drink later and you can tell me
about all that stuff about the state budget and all that. Do you
have a boyfriend?
Bob
In a message dated 9/21/03 8:11:14 PM, Brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
Dear Bob,
Thanks for your offer but you are a stranger
and I've actually been invited to speak at a couple of schools and
I'm part of a luncheon with Tom McClintock, something which I'm
sure you know nothing about since nobody knows who you are and I've
been on KTLA, CNN and Fox News. Good luck to you.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/21/03 8:55:12 PM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
Dear Brooke,
I was just thinking like a quick drink. It
doesn't even have to be alcohol. Did you know that you can write
off meetings and bar bills as campaign expenses? I just learned
that. I've been out almost every night having "meetings."
Anyway, speaking of drinking, I read that your father is a judge
and I know that hasn't been a factor in getting the money or signatures
to get on the ballot, but since he probably has some power, do you
think he could help me get out of a little traffic ticket if I promise
not to tell anyone. It wasn't anything serious and those breathalyzers
aren't reliable anyway.
Bob
In a message dated 9/22/03 9:16:30 AM, Brooke@brookeforgovernor.com
writes:
Dear Bob,
My father can only help with tickets if it
happens in Orange County. I don't drink and I am much too busy with
all my meetings and appearances to continue talking with you. Again,
thank you for your letters but at this time, I ask you to respect
my privacy and stop emailing me until after the election on October
7th.
Brooke Adams
Vote Brooke Adams for Governor
http://www.brookeforgovernor.com
In a message dated 9/22/03 11:21:24 AM, bob@bobfromaccounting.com
writes:
Dear Brooke,
Fine. Be that way. See if I care. You BLEW
YOUR CHANCE, BABY! Now, when I win, I'm not going to let you have
a position in my cabinet. You are going to be sorry. You think you
are so hot, but you're just semi-hot and that's probably going to
change soon! Just because you have those artfully done black and
white headshots that highlight your girlish figure and flowing blond
hair does not mean you are so special! I would NEVER go out with
you. I'd rather have sex with Gary Coleman. And I bet he gets more
votes than you! See ya in Sacramento.
Bob
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THIS TO A FRIEND!
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