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Westport, CT —Home decorating guru and convicted
felon Martha Stewart spent her last week of freedom overseeing
a flurry of stock sales and loading up on cartons of cigarettes.
Six million cartons to be exact.
And she doesn't even smoke.
"Martha is a business women and she realizes that in
the big house cash money is worthless," Stewart spokesman
William Cutler said. "There are only two things that
hold any value in prison -- either cigarettes or a free ride
on the magic carpet. Ms. Stewart is confident her large cache
of tobacco products will keep her privates as fresh as a jasmine
potpourri for the length of her term."
Steward sold millions of stock shares of Martha Stewart Omnimedia
to raise the cash necessary to by the more than 120 million
individual cigarettes in a variety of brands, which were delivered
to her Westport, CT home in several semi trucks.
Donna
Poier, an inmate of Alderson Federal Penitentiary in West
Virginia, where Stewart will serve her five month sentence,
says Stewart will need a lot more than cigarettes to get along
in prison.
"Last year, someone brought in 500 Hostess snack cakes
because she wanted to be popular-- let's just say she ended
up learning a new meaning of the term 'yeast infection.'".
When the news went public, common stock in Philip Morris
USA went through the roof.
Philip Morris CEO Jack Lung called Stewart personally to
thank her for the purchase and tell her to buy stock immediately.
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