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DAVIDSON COUNTY, TN—The Supreme Court of Tennessee
ruled Tuesday after more than a week of heated debate, that
a one-on-one exchange known colloquially as a "bitch
slap" was not in violation of any local, state or federal
laws they were aware of.
The four-to-one decision, read by Chief Justice Frank F.
Drowota, declares that citizens have the right to "strike,
with an open hand, any and all persons, be it male or female,
of sound mind and without distinguishable handicap, if that
person or persons shall say or do something that would, by
most accounts, be considered ignorant, arrogant, overtly feminine,
hypersensitive, or whiny."
In addition, the ruling indicates that "the party on
the receiving end of this treatment, shall not, at any time,
weep, sob or threaten to call the authorities, seek or achieve
solace in talk show hosts or any other daytime programming,
as in doing so would automatically give greater authority
and credence to the party on the giving end of this treatment
to continue with greater voracity until such time as deemed
necessary."
Outside the courthouse, there was a strong reaction to the
ruling among constituents, with most clapping in support of
the long-awaited decision, and a much quieter minority who
attempted to slip away without detection.
Despite the one dissenting vote cast by Justice Janice M.
Holder, the lone female on the Court, Holder still admits
that she's anxious to get home and "have a little talk"
with her husband, who hasn't worked in 5 years due to bouts
with chronic depression.
"I can't wait," Holder said as she bent over to
comfort a trembling housewife. "Seriously. I need to
get home. Where's my car?"
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Above:
A bitch slap about to occur. Below: The Tennessee Supreme
Court rules in favor of "beating with reason"
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