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Tampa, FL — Extreme skateboarder Teddy "T.J"
Hart, took another major spill Sunday, thus provoking his
swollen, inflamed testicles to finally "call it quits."
Hart, 19, has been skating since he was seven and has won
several amateur titles before the major wipeout caused his
testicles to declare once and for all that he would no longer
take part in any kind of extreme sports, despite repeated
pleas for another chance.
"I'm sorry to hear this news," Hart said. "I
hope my testicles reconsider its position but I will be respectful
no matter what it decides."
A video surveillance camera in front of the Tampa Public
Library captured the horrific moment, during which TJ took
his nuts on the ride of his life, beginning with a backside180,
then an ollie into a kickflip, but that's when Hart noticed
the long metallic handrail on the library steps and just couldn't
help himself.
"It's abuse, pure and simple," said County Prosecutor
Doug Moder. "Nobody's testicles should be allowed to
take that much punishment while we all turn a blind eye. It's
just not right and we're going to put a stop to it immediately."
The video of the alleged abuse caused an immediate outcry
among community members and activists who demanded a judge
place an injunction against Hart and any future testicle-harming
activities he might take part in.
The media-shy Hart insists he has no personal vendetta against
his testicles and that he does not purposely abuse them, despite
accusations that the security camera shows an entirely different
picture.
"I love my testicles, I always have. Can you please
just leave us alone to work this out."
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