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Philadelphia —Legal secretary Janice Armstrong
spent the greater part of her life blaming overbearing parents
and dishonest boyfriends for her inability to sustain a meaningful
relationship. That is, until she called in sick at work to
catch up on a week's worth of taped episodes of mental health
guru "Dr. Phil" followed by a full hour of "The
View."
"I realize now that my bad career choices, meaningless
sex from virtual strangers and need for constant reassurance
from family and friends stems from the fact that I just don't
love myself enough. I could be wrong, but this really seems
to makes sense."
Reiterating her position that she can't love others until
she loves herself, Armstrong yesterday sought to justify her
decision to skip a family reunion being planned in Chicago
to celebrate her ailing grandmother's birthday.
"What good is it to drive all the way out there and
express my love for Grandma when, by not loving myself, my
ability to love her is so clearly undermined?" an agitated
Armstrong asked. "Believe me, I'd like nothing better
than to make that drive. But, like I keep telling everyone,
I can't do that to Grandma. It's not about her, it's about
me."
Armstrong, 28, has retroactively blamed her lack of self-love
to break ups with not just committed boyfriends but also dozens
of long-term friendships that became less convenient over
time.
While Armstrong had heard the "self love theory"
previously from Cosmopolitan magazine's regular "Loving
Yourself" feature, she found it's advice, such as masturbating
in front of a mirror, not nearly as appealing as using money
set aside for the homeless children's charity to pay for an
extended weekend at an Aspen spa.
Former friends roll their eyes when reminded of Armstrong's
familiar refrain. "She's still using that line?"
asked Kate Michaels, whose 10-year friendship with Armstrong
ended when Armstrong reduced her circle of friends to yoga
class acquaintances. "I remember the time she tried to
use it to get out of paying her share of rent. I mean, it
didn't even make sense."
Armstrong, however, is undeterred. "Look, Dr. Phil wouldn't
be saying it if it wasn't true," she notes. "I'm
sorry, but I still don't think I love myself enough. I really
don't."
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Above:
Armstrong discusses "self love" with her last remaining
friend
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