Home |
Past Issues|
Bob Jobs |
Who's in Charge |
Mailing List |
Bob Gear |
Copyright Notice for Plagiarists

 

Want to write comedy? - Click Here  

 

Cleveland, OH —According to a recent national survey, bullying is on the rise, and so are the nearly-impossible-to-answer rhetorical questions, most popular among middle school bullies.

"What are you looking at, faggot?"; "Am I going to need to kick your pansy ass?"; and "You want to die?" are all on the list of top questions posed to acne-faced, socially underdeveloped adolescents who are ill-equipped to supply satisfactory answers, the survey said.

While some bullies admit they don't think much about their strategy beforehand, others carefully tailor their questions to the individual about to be humilated and/or brutalized.

"I prefer to open up with an easy one like, 'why are you so fucking ugly?'" explained 14-year-old bully Chip Koffman, who, at 6' 2" and sporting a full goatee, appears much older than most of his classmates. "Sometimes they try to answer my questions but really there's no correct answer. Then I usually repeat the question with more force. 'I said, why are you so fucking ugly?' Sometimes I use 'faggot' at the end for emphasis, depending on my mood."

Longtime bully Tony Spirocelli uses similar methods. "Usually after I ask the question, they're either so scared they've already wet their pants or said something like, 'I dunno.' This gives me the perfect opening to point and laugh or start wailing on them. It's a win-win situation."

According to experts, the best recourse when asked a rhetorical question by a bully, is to answer with another rhetorical question. "What are you laughing at?" might be answered with "why are you so hateful?" This momentary confusion often supplies a small window of opportunity in which to flee.

Child pschologist Byron Bleckhorn wishes he knew back then what he knows now, and suggests that whenever confronted by a bully, one should offer him or her a friendly handshake and say "let's talk this over," immediately followed by a compliment, i.e., "I really like your shirt." If that doesn't work, the bullied child should tell a grown up or teacher, getting the bully in as much trouble as possible and then quickly moving out of state."

 

Above: Bullies love rhetorical questions


SEND THIS ARTICLE TO A FRIEND!


Support Our Sponsors!

Cardinals Tix, MLB Playoffs tix, World Series Tix

Retro t-shirts!

Debt Consolidation

 

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR UPDATES  

Copyright © 2001-2006 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. That means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg