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Cleveland, OH —According to a
recent national survey, bullying is on the rise, and so are
the nearly-impossible-to-answer rhetorical questions,
most popular among middle school bullies.
"What are you looking at, faggot?"; "Am I
going to need to kick your pansy ass?"; and "You
want to die?" are all on the list of top questions posed
to acne-faced, socially underdeveloped adolescents who are
ill-equipped to supply satisfactory answers, the survey said.
While some bullies admit they don't think much about their
strategy beforehand, others carefully tailor their questions
to the individual about to be humilated and/or brutalized.
"I prefer to open up with an easy one like, 'why are
you so fucking ugly?'" explained 14-year-old bully Chip
Koffman, who, at 6' 2" and sporting a full goatee, appears
much older than most of his classmates. "Sometimes they
try to answer my questions but really there's no correct answer.
Then I usually repeat the question with more force. 'I
said, why are you so fucking ugly?' Sometimes I use
'faggot' at the end for emphasis, depending on my mood."
Longtime bully Tony Spirocelli uses similar methods. "Usually
after I ask the question, they're either so scared they've
already wet their pants or said something like, 'I dunno.'
This gives me the perfect opening to point and laugh or start
wailing on them. It's a win-win situation."
According to experts, the best recourse when asked a rhetorical
question by a bully, is to answer with another rhetorical
question. "What are you laughing at?" might be answered
with "why are you so hateful?" This momentary confusion
often supplies a small window of opportunity in which to flee.
Child pschologist Byron Bleckhorn wishes he knew back then
what he knows now, and suggests that whenever confronted by
a bully, one should offer him or her a friendly handshake
and say "let's talk this over," immediately followed
by a compliment, i.e., "I really like your shirt."
If that doesn't work, the bullied child should tell a grown
up or teacher, getting the bully in as much trouble as possible
and then quickly moving out of state."
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Above:
Bullies love rhetorical questions
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