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Columbia, S.C— Housewife Mabel Roberts bought every single bag of discounted Halloween candy at the local Pick n' Save, the Winn-Dixie, and three other area stores, said angry customers after they were turned away by shopkeepers empty-handed.

According to Winn-Dixie morning shift manager Todd Breyer, Roberts got to the stores right as they opened and waited around until the the precise moment the prices were changed on the entire aisle of leftover Halloween candy.

"She was like a predator." Breyer said recalling the exact moment when Roberts appeared out of nowhere just as he unholstered his pricing gun. "Some of us had seen her pacing around the store with her empty shopping card pretending like she was interested in the foreign foods section in aisle 11. But I knew what she wanted."

According to sources, Roberts first grabbed for the high-ticket items like the family-sized bags of mini Snickers and Almond Joys. Then, after she managed to grab all of those, Roberts went straight for the bulk bins of Hershey's Miniatures, picking out every single Special Dark in the barrel and leaving only a few less-than-desirable Mr. Goodbars.

"That women is a greedy, fat bitch," said part-time daycare worker and Robert's next door neigbor Patty Anderson as she left the store fuming. "She does this every year and I can't believe she still gets away with it. Trust me, I'm going to get some of those Hershey Miniatures if I have to bitchslap her in the middle of the parking lot."

When confronted by Anderson and several other irate neighbors in the parking lot, Roberts expressed little remorse for her actions, explaining that candy was costly and she was just buying it for next year's Trick-or-Treaters.

"First come first served is what I always say," Roberts said. "Just like at Christmas and Easter, if they want to get first dibs on the candy bins, they better get up pretty early."

Before she could finish her statement, an angry mob grabbed Roberts by the hair and dragged her off screaming. She hasn't been seen since. Authorities are still looking for the Hershey Darks.

 

Above: Mabel Roberts is a greedy, fat bitch, according to neighbors


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