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 Los
Angeles, CA—
Former BFA court reporter Billy "T-Bone" Tsangares has become
a media whore, says editor Scott H. Leva after an interview
and debriefing revealed that not only did T-Bone do more than
50 interviews for both television and print during his "exclusive"
coverage of the Winona Ryder Trial, but Ms. Ryder actually hugged
T-Bone and thanked him for making the Free
Winona T-shirts. "I'm not jealous that he got all the attention
and press," Leva said. "But the fact that Winona hugged
him and not me makes me want to kill myself." Read
the interview
WIN A DATE WITH BOB!
 Are
you lonely, single, tired of the dating scene? Do you want someone
to help pay your children's medical bills because your ex husband
is a lazy out-of-work deadbeat? If you're ready to be razzle-dazzled
by the most eligible bachelor on the internet, follow the link to
Bob's unofficial fan
page and find out how you can make your dreams (and his) come
true. Or just email
Bob with a photo. Sorry ladies, only one entry per family.
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 EDITOR'S
RANT
11.13.02— Sorry
about the short update this week - but new stuff coming real
soon. I do have some good news - our website will never again
mention the name Winona Ryder after this issue. It's not because
I'm in any way jealous that T-Bone got to hug the adorable
actress and I got squat as usual, it's just time to move on
and those are the kinds of tough decisions a guy like me has
to make day in and day out. Of course, that doesn't mean you
can't still buy a t-shirt. And it certainly doesn't mean that
Winona can't email
me for dinner plans at a discreet location of her choosing.
11.06.02 — Just
a reminder that columnists will now be updated throughout
the week instead of on Wednesdays. We're doing this on a trial
basis to keep people coming back to the site and to make room
for some new people over the coming weeks. Also, I want to
thank everyone for all the submissions and slutty photos you
sent in our quest to get Bob a
date, but please, for the love of God, you must be 18
years old in order to qualify. At the very least, get your
parent's permission before you send
in those slutty photos. READ
THE RANT
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 Cruel,
Cruel Email From Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG NEW
11.15.02
(Shizzy will now be updated on Fridays)
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Yu Weng Po offers advice for losers,
substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU
NEW
11.11.02
(Yu will now be updated on Mondays)
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column
(Debby
will now be updated on Thursdays)
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Poetry Submitted by Dan Lowin Boston, MA
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"Shattered Expectations"
Used to think sex was
about loving and sharing.
Then I met the clown
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"The State Fair"
First day of the fair!
Midway rides, cotton candy,
and one toothless whore
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"Childhood
Revisited"
Hello grandfather.
I remember fishing your
glass eye from the jar |
"Lunchmeat"
Cute little girl, with braids tumbling down your back. Look
out for the gator |
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"Autumn Lament"
Gorgeous autumn day.
Birds singing, sun dancing. Why must I have gonorrhea?
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Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
.
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Archeologists Reveal Brother of Jesus Was 'Real A-Hole'
Read Article»
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Maryland Sniper Having Difficulty Making Bail
Read Article»
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Woman Hoards All The Discount Halloween Candy
Read Article»
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Guest
Editorial: Julianna Margulies Es Muy Muy Sexuale
by Jose Carlos Rodriquez de Jesus Read»
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From the Archives:
Good
For Nothing Kid Fails to Call 911 in Emergency
Read
Article»
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My
Sister Wendy
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Vital
Stats
Name:
Wendy
Age:
21
Nickname(s):
Whore, Wench, Jezebel, Witch, Daddy's Little Troll, Money
Pit, Parlor Trick
Pros:
Diary makes for great bathroom reading; drunk girlfriends
often stumble in wrong room during slumber parties; video
sales from hidden bathroom cam helps pay sibling's rent
Cons:
Family no longer allowed in church since "pulpit incident";
after seeing her naked, female genitalia no longer appealing
Claim
to Fame:
Appeared once on "Cops," 368 times on collegesluts.com.
Recent
Quote: "Does anyone know why there's a video recorder
in my bathroom?"
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 2002
ETHNIC CLEANSING AWARDS
READ RESULTS»
See
the Corey Feldman and Bob Photos
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