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BAGHDAD -- Actor and director Sean Penn spent his third day
in Baghdad Friday, attempting to explain to Arab and other
international journalists his staunch antiwar position and
his hopes to help ease the Iraqi conflict with the United
States.
Instead, the former Hollywood bad boy and one-time husband
to pop singer Madonna, spent yet another agonizing day fielding
questions about his 1982 role as surfer-stoner Jeff Spicoli
in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."
"As a father, an actor, a filmmaker and patriot, my visit
to Iraq is for me a natural extension of my obligation...to
find my own voice on matters of conscience," Penn said
after taking a tour of a Baghdad children's hospital.
"But could you tell us please about the time you ordered
a pizza pie during school hours?" asked a curious member
of the Iraqi press corps. "That was really crazy that
you did that."
"Yeah, tell us about the pizza!" echoed several
Iraqi reporters.
"I'm not sure I understand the question," replied
the uncomfortable-looking actor while attempting to change
the subject. "I know that in Iraq, children don't benefit
from the educational opportunities we are fortunate enough
to have in America."
"Mr. Penn, I have a two part question," began al-Jazeera
reporter Samir Achmed. "What do you expect to gain from
your visit here, and also, could you tell us what 'gnarley'
means?"
Penn became noticeably agitated and explained that "Fast
Times at Ridgemont High" was simply a movie he did many
years ago and it was "completely irrelevant to the purpose
of the current discourse."
"Do you still keep in contact with Mr. Hand and does
he know you use words like discourse?" an unnamed reporter
interrupted. "You should tell him and maybe he might
let you attend that senior dance." The others quickly
agreed.
"It was a fucking movie character! Penn shouted angrily.
"I'm not Jeff Spicoli. I'm not in high school. I'm a
42-year-old American citizen concerned that if you don't tell
us where your goddamn weapons are, my government will obliterate
you in a matter of minutes."
Deputy Prime Minister Tareq Aziz then publicly apologized
to the actor and promised there would be no more questions
about his movie career.
"I'm sorry if any reporters offended you with their
questions," Aziz said afterwards. "But I have been
given strict orders by President Hussein to ask you if you
perhaps know the phone number of a Ms. Phoebe Cates. And if
so, are you aware if she ever married that stereo salesman
from the mall?"
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