In what has been described as a true holiday miracle, Bob From Accounting was discovered alive Saturday in an underground Y2K shelter he's been sealed inside since New Year's Eve, 1999. With his food supply dwindling and severe boredom setting in, the confused accountant was prepared to face battle with what he referred to as “the race of ape-like men who now habitate the Earth.” (read article)

WOMAN GETS 'YET ANOTHER CRAPPY CHRISTMAS GIFT' FROM LONGTIME BOYFRIEND

Receptionist Ruby Smith was angered beyond belief Tuesday when she received yet another crappy Christmas present from longtime boyfriend, Stu Hagel. Smith, a longtime employee at Septicorp Enterprises was expecting an engagement ring or "at least something sparkly and expensive" from her boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. Instead, she was given a rainstick from The Nature Store. (read article)

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Christmas in New Hampshire

by Debbie (from Human Resources)

The snowy white of Christmas
Basking together in the warmth
Of an electric space heater
Gazing at the twinkling lights
Of a Douglas Fir

Then begin the lies
Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
Come out of your mouth
Thick and heavy like home fries

No hottub action for you
Big man with wavy hair
I wanted an engagement ring
You gave me a Chia Pet
And a coupon for a Brazilian waxing

The eggnog flows
Like your Lies
Lies, Lies, Lies, Lies
The electric heater drops into the water
As you bathe alone

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Loser of the Week

Charlie Brown

Vital Stats Marital Status: single, unattached Assets: vulnerability, low-maintenance, understands gibberish spoken by teacher Negatives: bald since he was six; complete inability to pick appropriate Christmas tree, owns one shirt, sucks at sports, "bacne" Person he'd most like to kill: self Favorite toy: sack of rocks Second favorite toy: sack of coal Woman he'd most like to date: that little red-headed girl...with the huge red bush