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Washington, DC -- In an unprecedented wartime declaration
Tuesday, President George W. Bush demanded all Afghan Hounds
be captured and placed in temporary internment camps until
they can be interrogated.
Not since World War II when the United States rounded up
thousands of Japanese Americans and placed them in detention
camps has America taken such a drastic action against mammals.
President Bush was adamant about his decision. “We are
at war and I have a suspicion that many of these so called
dogs are conspiring to commit terrorism against real Americans,”
Bush said. “We just don’t know what they’re
capable of and we need to take every precaution.”
Attorney General John Ashcroft agreed. “They don’t
even look like American dogs. They stay with their own kind
and who knows what they’re saying to each other.”
When pressed for evidence of terrorism, Ashcroft held up
several box-cutter knives and insisted they were found among
the rubber toys of several four-legged suspects. Ashcroft
also acknowledged for the first time several hounds were seen
sniffing around a Florida flight training school in the months
before the September 11 attacks.
“We have certain evidence many of them are digging holes
in the ground which we suspect contain secret documents and
possibly other booby traps meant to destroy innocent civilians,"
Ashcroft said.
Though unprecedented in the history of the Republic, President
Bush vowed to punish the “evil-pooers” as harshly
as their human counterparts in Afghanistan.
“If we find evidence of treason or sedition, we will
take immediate action through special doggie tribunals,"
Bush said. "If convicted, the suspects may face deportation
or even execution."
Dog owners were shocked by the decision and many of them
vow to fight the unjust action.
“Please don’t take Woofie away,” cried 9-year-old,
Jenny Glazer in front of a wall of journalists and photographers
“Take me instead.”
Fearing civil unrest, special agents at the scene agreed
to the child’s request and dragged her away to an undisclosed
location.
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