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"Breaking News and Wind Since 1969"
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BFA STAFF CELEBRATES ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, NEW LOAN FROM PARENTS
The
Bob Diaries: Bob
Unearthed!
BOB SETS RECORD FOR BREAKING NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS TIMELINE Jan. 1, 2003  12:03am:
Tells girl at New Year's Party he has to leave to get early start
on novel and/or screenplay he's writing12:06am: Phones hooker 12:33am: Has intercourse with hooker 12:44am: Resumes smoking habit 12:46am: Resumes bourbon habit 12:55am: Obsesses about hot Asian girl from back home that he can't have 1:01am: First self-gratification of 2003 1:20am: Intends to stop for veggie burger at all night diner, instead eats 4 enchiladas, extra sour cream at Taco Bell 1:49am: Second self-gratification of 2003 9:00am: Gets up early to begin work on novel and/or screenplay 9:14am: Gets distracted by Meredith Veira cohosting "The View" 9:27am: Third self gratification of 2003
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BFA Reporter Hugs Winona Ryder |
Los
Angeles, CA -The BFA staff
has reason to celebrate. After one year of offending the masses,
pandering to quasi-celebs, and embarassing their loved ones, they
have managed to secure yet another loan from their parents. This
new loan, as opposed to the other one(s) is sure to be paid off
in a timely manner this time because "money doesn't grow on
trees." They now realize that "it's time to grow up -
you're nearly 30!" and they certainly don't want to "become
a bum like [your] Uncle Tim." 
They
are additionally aware that "this loan better be paid back.
I mean it. I'm not kidding around. I want to see your checkbook.
Are you balancing your checkbook? Is this what I sent you to college
for?" Staff members, however, will continue to be paid with
t-shirts. 
2002
ETHNIC CLEANSING AWARDS | ©2002 Bob From Accounting/Orange Planet Entertainment - All rights reserved. So don't steal -- that means you too, Mr. Steven Spielberg. |