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AN ARTICLE TO CLEANSE THE PALATE
LINCOLN, NE— Sammy, a black Labrador Retriever
pup approximately three months old, spent several hours frolicking
in his back yard, sniffing, digging, and playing. Sammy appeared
to thoroughly enjoy his wholesome, inoffensive romp.
The day began when Sammy’s "mommy," 27-year-old
Holly Sullivan, let him out into the yard as her husband,
William left for work, but not before patting his puppy’s
head and saying, "Be a good boy, Sammy. That’s a
good boy."
Sammy proceeded to play a nice game of fetch with Holly for
about half an hour. After a short nap in the breezy, sunny
morning air, Sammy barked at some squirrels while Holly baked
bread.
At noon, Mrs. Jefferson, stopped by the Sullivans' to invite
Holly over for a game of bridge later in the evening and then
proceeded to stroke Sammy’s fur and say, "What a
big boy you’re getting to be! You’re getting so
big, aren’t you, Sammy? Aren’t you, Sammy? Yes you
are."
After another short nap, Sammy chewed on a rawhide bone,
played with a group of kittens and chased his own tail. Around
4:30, Sammy jumped and played in a field of dandelions, stopping
twice to chase butterflies. These completely non-sexual activities
rounded out Sammy’s afternoon.
Amazingly, Sammy the puppy never did, at any time, make
fun of Clay Aiken or French
people, or tortured
Iraqi prisoners, or God forbid,Liza
Minelli. Sammy never poked fun at overweight
people, children with
low self esteem and certainly not handicapped
kids because that would just be outright mean. Puppies
and children go together like peanut butter and jelly but
Sammy was nowhere near this little
bastard or this little
virgin or this little
slut. The puppy also managed to completely avoid chronic
masturbators and perverted
uncles!
What a great puppy day!
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Above:
A picture of incorruptible purity.
Damn you, puppy... damn you!
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