Hello. I'm Bob (from accounting). The editors of this website asked me to write something funny here but I'm not really very funny. In fact, I can't recall the last time I made someone laugh on purpose. I'm not even sure what the heck I'm doing here. They told me it would would be therapeutic if I let strangers read my journal — which I'm NOT going to do. They also promised me a t-shirt, which I still haven't received. My life isn't funny. And I really take offense to people who think it is. I don't even have an internet connection, except for at work. You guys are going to get me fired. So could you please stop it now. And I want my pictures back. Thank you.

From the Editors

Who is Bob from Accounting?
A Letter from the Editor

DOING 'ROBOT DANCE' NO LONGER GETS ME LAID, ADMITS MAN

Phil Klimczech was stunned beyond belief Saturday when the "robot dance" he had been performing at local nightclubs and office parties for almost two decades suddenly stopped working."I don't know what the hell happened," Klimczech said. "One day I'm the life of the party, having meaningless sex with women all over the tri-state area, the next, I'm getting my ass kicked all over the dance floor." (read article)

From 12/25/01

BOB FROM ACCOUNTING UNEARTHED!!

In what has been described as a true holiday miracle, Bob From Accounting was discovered alive Saturday in an underground Y2K shelter he's been sealed inside since New Year's Eve, 1999. With his food supply dwindling and severe boredom setting in, the confused accountant was prepared to face battle with what he referred to as “the race of ape-like men who now habitate the Earth.” (read article)

WOMAN GETS 'YET ANOTHER CRAPPY CHRISTMAS GIFT' FROM LONGTIME BOYFRIEND

Receptionist Ruby Smith was angered beyond words Tuesday when she received yet another crappy Christmas present from longtime boyfriend, Stu Hagel. Smith, a longtime employee at Septicorp Enterprises was expecting an engagement ring or "at least something sparkly and expensive" from her boyfriend of 6 1/2 years. Instead, she was given a rainstick from The Nature Store. (read article)

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Loser of the Week

"Dougie"

Vital Stats Marital Status: Single, come and get him, ladies Assets: Saves money by living in storage shed Negatives: Blew off testicles in a model rocketry mishap Collects: Beers from around the Quad Cities, also lobster bibs from around the Quad Cities Hobbies: Soap carving, farting in revolving doors Personal Hero: Bob from Accounting Quote: "I carve, therefore I am"

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LOSER POETRY CORNER

 

Sent to us by Chip Bradly, St. Louis, MO

I Love Clowns

Two big shoes
Size 34 wide
Big red lips that tell no lies

Bag of tricks
Up your sleeve
Your clown hips begin to heave

I want to paint your face
Then honk your horn
In my dreams, I see clown porn

Toss that cream pie in my face
It’s got such a funny taste
How about it a la mode?
Wait, I’m about to blow my load

Of balloon animals.