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Local collection agent, Phil Klimczech, couldn't understand
it when the "robot dance" he had been performing
at local nightclubs and office parties for almost two decades
suddenly stopped working.
As recently as two weeks ago, Klimczech, a longtime employee
of nearby Septicorp Enterprises, was back at Jumbo's Clown
Room with a brand new routine he thought would really get
the crowd going. Instead, one of the patrons punched him in
the abdomen and another poured a drink down his pants.
"I don't know what the hell happened," Klimczech
said. "Those moves used to work like magic."
Klimczech leaned the intricate dance moves back in the early
80's when chronic back problems prevented him from doing more
athletic dance moves. It was at this time realized that a
properly executed routine of gyrating hand and body movements
mimicking the actions of robots would be easy to pull off
and not be hampered by his severe scoliosis.
According to Klimczech, it was also great for scoring with
the ladies.
"Lots of people did breakdancing back in those day and
they'd get all sweaty and tired spinning on the ground,"
Klimczech said. "I did my robot moves and stole all their
chicks while they were resting."
Klimczech admits he longs for those days, saying that the
music today doesn't compare to what Devo and Herbie Hancock
were doing in 1982.
"I tell you, I used to go in the clubs and stand under
the strobe lights and people really thought I was a robot.
They would try and talk to me but I didn't break character.
I just kept right on being a robot."
When he realized he had to speak in order to get "digits
from chicks" he would ask the ladies in a robot sounding
voice. "They really seemed to like that," Klimczech
said.
Klimczech isn't sure why many of the patrons today feel the
need to dump their drinks down his pants.
"Maybe they're just trying to see if they can short-circuit
my robot wiring," Klimczech offered. "Either way,
nobody is going to make me break character when I'm a robot
on the dance floor. When that happens, the magic is gone."
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