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BURBANK, CA—During the nearly all-night session,
voices were raised and tempers flared, but it was all understood
that any animosity would be left at the door. “We had
a job to do and we were gonna do it," one writer said,
nearly breaking down with emotion.
Tony Danza, the tough guy with the heart of gold, was just
two days away from his highly touted appearance on America’s
favorite new game show, “The Weakest Link” and half
a dozen comedy writers in the room understood the difficult
task before them.
Danza, made famous for his role on “Who’s the Boss”
as a Brooklyn-raised housekeeper who sponges off his wealthy
boss giving her sex and chores in exchange for free rent and
his daughter’s tuition, was anxious about any non-scripted
attempt to make him look both funny and intelligent.
“It’s not winning I’m most worried about.
After all, I have to give the money to charity anyway,”
admits Danza. “What worries me most is maintaining the
affable public persona that has made me beloved around the
country for almost 20 years.”
Surprised and angered the producers would not consider giving
him the questions beforehand or feed him the answers through
a hidden earpiece, Danza began training like the failed prizefighter
he once was.
The writers agreed Danza's witty, "off the cuff"
remarks were vital to win over the barbed, sarcastic host,
Anne Robinson, known for making celebrities look as idiotic
as regular guests. Danza is particularly concerned that one
wrong comment or sideways glance from the middle-aged woman
would cause him to lose control and pummel her into a bloody
heap on national television.
One writer immediately tossed out the suggestion that if
anything goes wrong, Danza should immediately implement the
bashful grin he does so well – the one that hides the
fact that he’s a muscular Italian who can beat the crap
out of most women.
Danza agreed. “When the host says something mean to
me, maybe I could give a sort of a pouty look and then say
something like, ‘Please don’t hurt me.’ That
always works."
Writer, Stu Miller, offered another suggestion. “If
she makes fun of your Brooklyn accent maybe you can mock her
by doing a British accent – can you do cockney?”
At that point, Danza accused the writer of being a homosexual
and more arguing ensued.
Another writer, Giggles McClenan, tried to change the subject
by asking the chauvinistic Danza if he had ever seen "Alysa
Milano’s coochie pie.”
Suddenly, and without emotion, Danza jumped across the table
and punched Giggles in the neck. The other writers scrambled
to their feet, but it was too late. The Chinese food they
just ordered had spilled all over the floor.
Giggles is in serious but stable condition at St. Joseph’s
Medical Center.
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