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Oak Brook, IL -- In what was believed to be the savior of
the ailing fast food giant, McDonald's new tangy Chicken McBeakers
was released Tuesday and then pulled after just 20 minutes
in the marketplace.
Billed as "organic," the crunchy fritter heads
were meant to appeal to health-conscious adults and finally
put an end to the repeated questions concerning the exact
lineage of the popular Chicken McNuggets and McRib sandwich.
McDonald's, which recently suffered some of the worst financial
losses in decades, hoped the new McBeakers and it's accompanying
$40 million ad campaign featuring Michael Jordan would bolster
their stock prices and rebuild its popularity among children
and welfare families. Apparently they were wrong.
The company made the decision at a Chicago area launch party
when, according to newly elected CEO Jim Cantalupo, "my
kid took one look at that thing and threw up all over that
tubby purple guy -- I can't seem to recall his name."
According to insiders, the McBeakers could be considered
the worst product launch in recent history, easily eclipsing
1998's experimental "Bambi Burger," made from partially
processed venison meat.
Michael Jordan could not be reached for comment, but representatives
admitted "it just isn't MJ's year."
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