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BAGHDAD - Iraqi insurgents have continued to brutalize,
embarrass and torture G.I. Joe action figures without any
regard for the Hong Kong company or its subsidiaries who actually
made them, says Hasbro President Herb Baum.
According to military sources, in the six months since President
Bush declared major hostilities over in Iraq, there have been
more than 400 reports of gross disfigurement of G.I. Joe's,
1200 reports of general taunting and humiliation, 6500 cases
of rape and sexual abuse with a miniature broom handle and/or
firecracker, and 12,000 left to suffer as a stray dog's chew
toy.
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld downplayed the reports,
saying that most of the abuse was superficial and involved
name-calling and just innocently observing the genital region.
"Most of the Iraqi's are law-abiding citizens who want
us to help restore their government and give them the freedom
they've wanted for decades," Rumsfeld said. "Unfortunately,
there still are a few bad apples who think abusing an unarmed
G.I. Joe figure by dressing it up in women's undergarments
and having him give long open-mouthed kisses to his comrades,
will undermine our cause. They are wrong. Dead wrong."
Reports in the Sunni Triangle, where most of the cases of
abuse have been reported, usually consist of de-pantsing the
army figure and then proceeding to jab a knife or pen in or
around his pelvic region. The figure is usually left completely
naked in the hot Iraqi sun where he is eventually found by
a curious dog or rodent.
"Thankfully, G.I Joe doesn't have any genitalia to prevent
even worse abuse, Baum said. "Otherwise Iraq might be
a land littered in tiny plastic penises -- and that would
be tragic."
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Above:
The rape of a G.I. Joe doll with either a miniature broomstick
or firecracker is as common in Iraq as hitting a pinata at
a Mexican birthday party
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