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WEST BANK — Palestinian stone throwers
disclosed for the first time Friday, that due to a gross miscalculation
of their arsenal, they had finally run out of rocks and would
be forced to come up with more inventive ways of continuing
their Intifada on the Jewish state of Israel.
“I reached down to grab a rock this morning and all
I got was a handful of sand,” said one Palestinian militant
who asked to remain anonymous. “I tried throwing it but
it just blew back in my face. Man, It really stung my eyes!”
Militant groups were quick to cast blame for the depletion
of their arsenal on a group of teenage “stone hogs”
who exhausted the supply by throwing indiscriminately at passing
cars, various neighborhood bullies and the occasional stray
dog.
Others accused a local housewife of wasting the rocks by
building “a cute little gravel path” leading up
to a backyard bird feeder.
“The important thing is we find an another resource
as quickly as possible, said Palestinian militant leader,
Achmed Ashanni. “Meanwhile, we’re alternating between
spitting on the Israelis and throwing feces at them. We really
need to find some alternatives quick."
Leaders of two radical groups, Hamas and Islamic Jihad, not
wanting show signs of military unreadiness, decided to immediately
unleash a precious cargo of snack-sized, tapioca pudding containers
stolen from an Israeli middle school cafeteria.
According to reports, the pudding has great hangtime and
can be thrown almost as far as rocks. Plus, it’s really
impressive when it explodes all over enemy clothing.
I do have to admit, It really kills me to throw the tapioca
Snack Packs," Ashanni said. "Those goddamn Jews
really know their pudding.”
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