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CHICAGO, IL — Though he was nearly killed at the
Brookfield Zoo on Saturday, local hypnotist and petty criminal,
Dominick Jewel is still convinced he has the power to control
the minds of animals.
“They are weak and they will eventually do my bidding,”
Jewel said in the midst of having a special salve applied
to stave off infection from a rhino horn puncture. “Sometime
in the very near future, I envision an army of monkeys that
will steal jewelry and fine art for me.”
Jewel’s ordeal began Saturday afternoon when he climbed
into the zoo’s snake pit. Within seconds some the world’s
deadliest snakes had coiled around his legs, and despite his
protests, struck at him with their deadly poison again and
again.
Witness, Ryan Archibald, 12, along with his entire sixth
grade class at Middlebrook Elementary School watched with
amazement.
“He got right up on this one snake and said something
like ‘Look into my eyes’. At that point the cobra
spit his venom right in his face. He started screaming and
that just attracted more spitting. It was horrifying…and
sort of funny at the same time.”
According to police reports, Jewel, partially blinded by
the snake venom, entered the safari pit and immediately confronted
a rhino.
“I commanded the rhino to kneel, kneel before my power,
He turned to run, but seconds later; the rhino’s horn
was up my keester," Jewel said. "After twirling
me about, the animal threw me to the ground and stomped me
until I pretended I was dead. Did I mention that I’m
an actor AND hypnotist?” Jewel said.
At this point Jewel, who was swollen to more than twice
his normal size, wandered into the zoo’s snack pit where
he was denied a #2 combo meal on the grounds he was morbidly
obese and had no money. He attempted to hypnotize the 17-year
old cashier into giving him the food, but her mind was, in
Jewel’s words, “too strong”.
“When I woke up I found my self here in this hospital
room, covered in restraints," Jewel said. "This
is total bullshit. Nobody put Dr. Doolittle in restraints
and I'm a heck of a lot more powerful than him. I command
you to release me!"
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