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New York, NY - An offer for a multi-million dollar book deal
wasn't enough to convince Osama Bin Laden to come out of hiding,
reported Wes Trentam, a senior Vice President at Doubleday
Books.
The book deal, which was part of an elaborate setup coordinated
between U.S. Intelligence agencies and the large publishing
company owned by Random House, failed draw any response whatsoever
from the alleged terrorist.
"Apparently the seven-figure advance, which was more
than generous, wasn't enough to do the trick," Trentham
said. "I'm was a bit surprised, frankly. For that kind
of money we could probably get Jimmy Carter to rewrite Mein
Kampf."
According to Random House spokesman, John Klondike, the book
deal was legitimate in their eyes and a direct result of what
he referred to as "Bin Laden's wonderful prose-style
writing of dozens of kill manuals."
"Hey, the guy could write," Klondike said. "We
didn't care what the government did with him as long as he'd
have full use of a word processor and fax machine in the death
chamber. "
Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld admitted he was disappointed
when the ploy failed, but pointed out they were planning to
put new offers on the table that might get Bin Laden interested.
We are working out a deal with a major film studio where
Bin Laden might get significant back-end points on a movie
adaptation, Rumsfeld said. "That's not including enormous
book royalties and international distribution. Only a moron
would turn down that kind of money."
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