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New York, NY - An offer for a multi-million dollar book deal wasn't enough to convince Osama Bin Laden to come out of hiding, reported Wes Trentam, a senior Vice President at Doubleday Books.

The book deal, which was part of an elaborate setup coordinated between U.S. Intelligence agencies and the large publishing company owned by Random House, failed draw any response whatsoever from the alleged terrorist.

"Apparently the seven-figure advance, which was more than generous, wasn't enough to do the trick," Trentham said. "I'm was a bit surprised, frankly. For that kind of money we could probably get Jimmy Carter to rewrite Mein Kampf."

According to Random House spokesman, John Klondike, the book deal was legitimate in their eyes and a direct result of what he referred to as "Bin Laden's wonderful prose-style writing of dozens of kill manuals."

"Hey, the guy could write," Klondike said. "We didn't care what the government did with him as long as he'd have full use of a word processor and fax machine in the death chamber. "

Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld admitted he was disappointed when the ploy failed, but pointed out they were planning to put new offers on the table that might get Bin Laden interested.

We are working out a deal with a major film studio where Bin Laden might get significant back-end points on a movie adaptation, Rumsfeld said. "That's not including enormous book royalties and international distribution. Only a moron would turn down that kind of money."

 

 

 

Above: "No book for you," says Bin Laden's handlers

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