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Macon, GA— News of the recent split of A-list
celebrity couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston after four
years of marriage, went completely unnoticed at a local Texaco
station due to a brake job being performed on a 1982 Chevy
Econoline van.
"The compressor is really loud,” said head mechanic
Leo Tuttle. “It might as well be Daisy Duke on the tube,
but if I can’t get Mayor Ellis’ baby running again,
well, I tell you what...”
According to filling station owner John Babcock, this isn't
the first time the rural Georgia residents have missed a news
story due to the noisy compressor. They didn't hear about
the World Trade Center tragedy until last year, when someone
happened to mention it in church.
The gas station's only source of news and information, a
scratchy black and white Zenith mounted on a drum of Zeppo
Motor Oil using rabbit ears constructed from pieces of broken
muffler, tops out at only 43 decibels. The air compressor
reaches levels nearly 300 times that number.
When asked about the war in Iraq or the continuing violence
between the Israelis and the Palestinians, Babcock explained
that the Tezzer 2000 Air Compressor operates with a 30 hp
motor trapping a minimum of 500lbs of air, and then retaining
that pressure for up to 3 hours, making it the loudest machine
in the Macon County.
In addition to the Middle East conflict, Tuttle and the other
mechanics are unaware the Boston Red Sox won the World series
or that Arnold Schwarzenegger is now the Governor of California.
By chance, they did happen to hear about the breakup of Ben
Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
“We did hear about the breakup of Ben Affleck and that
pretty little Puerto Rican girl he was courtin',” Tuttle
points out, referring an episode of "Entertainment Tonight"
they saw several months ago when the compressor motor suffered
a belt injury and was being repaired. "It didn't take
any volume to realize how much sadness those two were going
through. It broke our hearts."
Experts predict within three months, Brad Pitt will have
a new pregnant girlfriend, Mideast violence will continue
and the chassis of the Chevy Econoline will fall through the
floorbed.
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