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Tallahassee, FL— When Craig Whitley made the
resolution to read more in 2005, he had no idea he would be
distracted so easily by thoughts of the flesh.
Thoughts, he says, along with "a raging boner,"
have all but ruined his goals of reading one novel per week.
"I went on Amazon and bought all the
classics," the 21-year-old Florida State University junior
said. "I was going to be one of those guys who has read
Moby Dick and Oliver Twist and every great book that followed.
But after a few pages, my mind would drift, and no matter
how much I tried, I just couldn't ignore the boner."
According to Whitley, he made it all the way to page 210
in War and Peace, a record to date. However, when he
began reading Nabokov's Lolita, he noticed the boner
around three paragraphs down the first page.
"I feel like I'm constantly at war with my boner,"
Whitley says. "Sure, I can try to ignore it for a little
while but it seems the more I try to ignore it, the more distracting
it becomes. It's really taken over my life."
Whitley considered switching his major from English to one
where his boner wouldn't interfere with his reading, but quickly
realized he couldn't get through chemistry or math text books
without experiencing problems.
"When that didn't work, I joined Oprah's Book Club and,
well, that turned out to be a really, really bad idea. I'm
not sure what it was, but the combination of strong female
characters and uplifting stories made my boner twice as bad."
"I think it's the quiet time that's the biggest problem.
My boner just doesn't like all the silence. I always thought
reading books would be great 'me time', but turns out it's
really just 'me-and-my-raging-boner time.'"
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Above:
Craig Whitley attempts to read a book boner-free
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