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BAKERSFIELD, CA — Blood Shadow, a 10th-degree
ninja and member of the secret Saigu clan of deadly assassins,
says ninjas have been totally ignored during the recent war
on terrorism and governments calling on them to recover ancient
swords or shoot people in the neck with blowdarts has gone
way down.
“I disappear in cloud of smoke, for God’s sake,”Shadow
said while sitting in his cramped studio apartment, “you
think dumb American GI's can do that?”
The ninjas feel their history of hideous acts of violence
and mercenary training would make them perfect candidates
to find and assassinate leaders of al Qaida in Afghanistan.
Instead, many of them have been forced to take regular jobs
and do temp work since their bloodmoney began to run out.
Shadow found himself in a similar position when was forced
to accept a third shift position as a cashier at a local Kinko's.
The job lasted just three weeks before he was fired for laziness.
Shadow claims it was just a misunderstanding.
“Just because you no see me working doesn’t mean
I not work. I’m a ninja, get it? You not supposed to
see me. And I guess I may have been late few too many time,
who knows?"
Shadow lamented his financial condition over a bowl of Ramen
noodles that he claimed to be eating because “I like
them, not because I buy 50 for one dollar.”
Though ninjas have yet to be hired by members of friendly
governments, they have been contacted many times by members
of the Arab world, including people claiming to work for Osama
bin Laden himself.
When asked if ninjas would betray Westerners and work for
terrorists, Shadow bristled. "Osama bin Laden and his
network of evil struck a blow against thousands of innocent
people. Ninjas may kill lots and lots of people too, but we
take blood oath to uphold tradition of Saigu clan."
Shadow, with his eyes watering added , “it would really
have to be A LOT of money.”
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