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BEVERLY HILLS, CA - During a press conference Saturday
for the upcoming Gay Games, health and fitness guru, Richard
Simmons shocked the world with his quasi-admission, “I
might as well be gay.”
According to agent Skip Cohen, Simmons came to this realization
soon after he received an offer to become master of ceremonies
for the international event. “Richard has been doing
a lot of soul-searching lately. It took a tremendous amount
of courage for him to 'sort of' come out of the closet in
front of a worldwide audience. I’m very proud of him."
Upon his initial offer to host the games, Simmons was unsure
as to whether or not to accept. “I told the committee
that it might be more appropriate to give this honor to someone
who was actually gay. They just laughed and told me they needed
an answer by Friday.”
Simmons eventually decided even though he merely “might
as well be gay,” he could still be strong representative
of the gay community. “And not just because I love rhinestones
and Barbara Streisand,” Simmons said. “But because
I’m a sensitive person who is supportive of gay people
the same way I’m sensitive to grossly obese people and
ugly people.”
According to Simmons, both Ellen DeGeneres and Melissa Etheridge
called him the night before, urging him not to hide behind
his macho public persona any longer. He attributes his final
decision, however, to a talk with his mother.
“My mother was getting tired of questions from prying
members of her retirement community and wanted me to stand
up for myself,” Simmons said. “She explained to
me that in this world, you are either on the top or on the
bottom. I’ve usually chosen the bottom, but not today.
Thanks mommy!”
Simmons’ mother feels she needs no explanation. “Richie
loves women. Always has. When he was growing up, all his friends
were girls. He even played high school baseball, switching
easily between pitcher and catcher,” she said. “I’m
very proud of my straight son.”
When Simmons tried to hug his mother for all her support,
she grabbed his ear and hissed, “I want grandchildren.
And stop borrowing my mascara.”
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Above:
Richard Simmons sort of came out of the closet Saturday
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