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New York City — Just days after word spread that
Rosie O'Donnell would admit her homosexuality in an upcoming
autobiography, Kathy Struthers was already tired of hearing
about it from her gloating husband.
"It's been a week, and all I hear again and again is
'I told you so, I told you so,'" Struthers said. "I
threatened to divorce him if he didn't shut up, but that just
made him say it louder."
Rosie O'Donnell, host of the popular syndicated talk show
bearing her name, is set to reveal the truth about her sexuality
during an upcoming interview with ABC's Diane Sawyer. Rumors
of O'Donnell's lesbianism have surfaced in recent years after
she had all but given up any attempt to bring a male date
to the Daytime Emmy Awards.
"How the hell am I supposed to know she's gay? She seemed
so normal," Struthers said. " And what about all
those weeks she went on and on about how in love she was with
Tom Cruise? I feel like a fool."
According to Carl Struthers, Kathy's husband of 14 years,
he hasn't been right about anything in at least five years
and he's just trying to get as much mileage out of it as he
can.
"I've been telling her for years Rosie was using the
Tom Cruise infatuation thing to trick her viewers into thinking
she was straight, Struthers said. "My wife and her friends
just assumed she was never seen with men because of her obesity
and general unattractiveness."
Mr. Struthers has already preordered a dozen copies of O'Donnell's
new book, which promises to shed light on just how gay she
really is and plans to distribute then among family members
and other doubters. Struthers can't wait.
"I'm thinking of plastering the bedroom walls with pages
from her book. My wife needs to realize that I was right all
along and I think I deserve an apology."
Struther's immediate plan, however, is to revisit several
other arguments the two have had in recent months. Most importantly,
his assertion that Kevin Spacey is gay, as well as Ricky Martin,
the entire cast of Friends, and of course, Tom Cruise.
When Kathy attempted to debate him on this, he covered his
ears, singing, "I told you so, I told you so!"
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