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New York, NY - In a blow to the woman's movement not
seem since Hillary Clinton reluctantly agreed "to go
downtown," a nationwide survey conducted by the Woman's
Health Report revealed that 98% of American women are no longer
concerned with wealth or family. Nor are they concerned if
they rise up through the ranks of corporate America or own
a dream house in the suburbs.
In fact, the average American woman would be satisfied if
she could just sit around the castle wearing a pink taffeta
dress with diamond encrusted tiara every day until she died,
according to Woman's Health Report Chairperson Donna Sizemore.
"They all pretty much want the same thing -- to be a
fairy princess that can pay their bills on time," Sizemore
says. "The party is over. I don't know what the hell
happened."
The study further demonstrates the incredible influence recent
television reality shows have had on the attitudes of young
women.
According to one section of the study, 99.7% of American
women are now actively searching for a poetry-writing fireman
like the chosen groom of the popular reality show "The
Bachelorette," with nearly everyone in agreement that
Ryan was the better choice over the more stable, realistic,
educated and financially successful Charlie.
Insurance claims adjuster Julie Henning who took part in
the survey, was one of only a half dozen women who disagreed
with the findings.
"Sure, Ryan is a hottie and everything," Henning
said. But I don't think I would marry a blue collar guy with
no education no matter how good-looking he was.
Added Henning "I would much rather marry Joe Millionaire
and live in that great castle in France! It would be so much
cooler to have all those horses and the butler and diamond
necklaces."
"What the hell is wrong with these women?" Sizemore
argued fruitlessly." It's a TV show for chrissakes. They
can't have the friggin castle and the butler. Heavy lift operators
don't live in castles in France. And they certainly don't
marry chubby retards!"
Fox made the announcement Monday that "Marry a Chubby
Retard" will premiere this summer after "Joe Millionaire
2"
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