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ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - Captured al-Qaeda leader Khalid
Shaikh Mohammed finally broke his silence Tuesday after U.S.
and Pakistani officials made offhand remarks comparing the
terrorist to famed porn star Ron Jeremy during a 12 hour interrogation.
"He just suddenly lost it," Special Ops Lt. Col
Henry Gibson said. "This apparently was a sore subject.
We hit a nerve."
The suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 terror attacks,
Shaikh Mohammed was captured last week by US and Pakistani
forces and is considered to be the No. 3 man in the al-Qaeda
terrorist organization. He also bears an uncanny resemblance
to veteran porn actor Ron Jeremy, known in the adult industry
as "The Hedgehog."
According to sources, nearly a dozen expert interrogators
and translators were flown in to extract information from
the the tight-lipped leader. After 12 hours they were about
to call it a day when a security officer let the comment slip.
"The prisoner barely even speaks English," Gibson
said. "But when someone pointed out that [Mohammed] looks
just like the star of 'The Sperminator' and 'Dr. Sphincter'
films, the guy just started screaming and cursing like a lunatic."
Pakistani translator Ahmed Hajman worked feverishly to translate
dozens of expletives from the standard Arabic into English.
"He's been unfairly compared to Ron Jeremy his whole
life and he just reached his breaking point," Hajman
explained. "For years he's been working to change his
image and no matter what he does, he still looks just like
that fat American actor with the giant shlong. He's very upset."
Gibson admits when he first saw the captured al-Qaeda leader,
it was the first thing that popped in his head, but he didn't
say anything out of fears of acknowledging his love for pornography
-- and in particular, the vast film library of Ron Jeremy.
"I suppose when you become the third ranked leader in
the largest terrorism network in the world, you might find
the comparison insulting," Gibson acknowledged. "Personally,
I would be flattered."
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