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As a Tallahassee, FL native, I’m no stranger to controversy.
Things can sure get heated up being in a capital city. For
instance, there was quite a stink when Hiesman winner Charlie
Ward decided on a career in the NBA instead of the NFL. And
there sure were a lot of news vans along Appalache Highway
with all that election business last year. Now
that we got a whole new mess of trouble with the “Axis
of Evil,” I’m getting the itch to duck out of my
happy home for a little R & R.
My husband and I used to enjoy the rowdy bars of Pensacola,
but after his sudden death last year , I thought why not get
liquored up and take a road trip. That's how I first ended
up in Dollywood.
Dollywood is only a 4 hour drive from my hometown, deep in
the the mountains of Tennessee and boy is it worth it. If
you’re looking to get your mind off those mean camel
jockeys, you’ll be hard pressed to even spell Afghanistan
after a visit to Dollywood.
And talk about the entertainment! Real country music, and
authentic line-dancing fills this multi-acre wonderland from
Dolly’s Splash Country to The Land of Fiddle. Jack never
cared for music much. His idea of fun was a tortured and twisted
mind game he would play with me nightly after returning from
that dust-covered Mexican bar. Taunting me with his insults
and then cooing me back like a rusty squeeze box, the police
would eventually find him with the hot death of tequila still
stuck on his lips, and that crooked grin still frozen on his
mangled face.
Dolly offers you a mountain of fun for a $40 daily pass,
but the real bargain is the Weekend Trooper Retreat for $250.
The Retreat includes full weekend access to all the rides
in all zones and 2 glorious nights at the Dolly Ranch. Not
to mention the full buffet privileges at the Rhinestone Feedbag-a-Troium.
Boy, Jack would have really loved that. I can see him now,
gorging himself into a a slovenly, miserable piece of rage,
with little trace of the man I met in high school.
But if the hustle and bustle of big city rides and attractions
isn’t your game, the gentle side of Dolly will surely
give you sense of sanctuary. Dollywood’s beautiful landscapes
are the perfect answer for quiet reflection and a little “me”
time. Sergeant Davis said not to
leave town but how would he think to look for me here, amongst
the sad inbred halfwits that run rampant in Ms. Parton’s
little slice of heaven?
Jack used to say before he choked on his own blood, “When
things get too hot in the Panhandle, why not try a new frying
pan?” So if you’re looking for a cure for the Axis
of Evil Blues, or looking for a place to dump evidence, look
no further than Pigeon Forge, Tennessee!! Hurrah for DOLLYWOOD!!!
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Above:
Dollywood is located in picturesque Pigeon Forge, Tennessee,
a perfect place to hide out from authorities for a few days.
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