CONGRESS
DEMANDS OLSEN TWINS' FEEDING TUBE BE REINSERTED
Washington,
DC — With Terri Schiavo's case moving through
the courts as her life holds in the balance, Congress
has taken another ununsual step in its unprecedented
involvement in the eating habits of Americans, by demanding
the Olsen Twin's feeding tube be reinserted immediately.More
»
ROBERT BLAKE ACQUITTED
- PROMISES GOD TO BE 'MORE GIRLY,' LESS MURDEROUS
Los
Angeles, CA— Tough-guy actor Robert Blake,
acquitted in the 2001 murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakely,
says he will keep all his promises he made to God in
exchange for his aquittal no matter how hard it will
be. "I am the luckiest guy on the face of the Earth,"
Blake said. "God and I have an understanding and
I'm really going to try to keep up my end of the bargain."
More
»
**
3.23.05 - All New Advice Column by "Dear
Debby"
YU WENG PO RETURNS!
BFA columnist and former
Chinese movie star, Yu Weng Po (aka Jimmy Wang) is back
with all new advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby,
out-of-shape Americans.
OPINION: STOP STUDYING
CAVEMEN AND START STUDYING ME!
Honey,
please come home from work already. I
realize your archeological dig is very important but dinner
has been waiting at the table for three hours and I'm wearing
that sexy new dress I bought with the gift certificate you
gave me for our anniversary. I'm getting really tired of
this. I really need you to stop studying cavemen and start
studying me!Read
more »
Was
for girth I wept
evil cotillion gym class
terry-cloth savior
Love
Monkey
by
Chris Estep
Love
Monkey in the middle of the night
Love monkey sees my fear
Love monkey comes to me
With a leaking bag of broken trusts
And a half eaten sandwich
I become impotent in the monkey's gaze
But that is to be expected.
YU WENG PO RETURNS!
The
Craptastic Movie Reviewer
