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TRENTON, NJ — When John Graham woke up Sunday
to retrieve the newspaper after a night of binge drinking,
he was only mildly surprised to see two 110-story buildings
in his backyard.
After all, he's had hallucinations before. Sometimes it was
his young neighbor's Elmo doll laughing and mocking him, and
more recently, Lucifer dirty dancing with his grandmother,
but never the North and South Towers of the notoriously destroyed
World Trade Center smack dab in the middle of his hibiscus
bushes.
After rubbing his eyes and approaching the buildings, he
realized he wasn't suffering from the post-detox visions that
usually accompany 3 1/2 bottles of cherry-flavored Nighttrain.™
He wasn't dreaming this at all.
"I went right through the revolving door and this guy
offered me a shoeshine," Graham said. "Then I wandered
into the local Citibank branch and opened a money market account.
It was pretty weird. But rates are good so I figured what
the heck."
According to Graham, he was initially angry that the county
would construct such large buildings on his property without
the proper zoning or permits. When he yelled at the building
commissioner's office they just called him a nutcase hung
up on him.
Graham soon discovered the structure was the World Trade
Center and that through some kind of miracle that defies explanation,
it chose his backyard as its new home.
"I know this sounds crazy, and none of my neighbors
or friends have noticed it yet, but as soon as they do, I
guarantee they're gonna line up to eat at one of the dozens
of fine restaurants inside," Graham said. "Not to
mention all the great shopping and the ATM machine in the
lobby. This is clearly one of those miracles I always hear
about."
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