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Baghdad, IRAQ —In what is being viewed as another
blow to the war in Iraq and the American-led fight against
terrorism, U.S. soldiers have uncovered stockpiles of "Tony
Robbins' Personal Power" cassettes and other assorted
motivational tapes in insurgent hideouts, and now fear they
are using them against us.
According to sources, insurgents are tapping into their potential
to reach all of their goals and aspirations, and once this
happens, there's absolutely nothing to stop them from making
all their dreams come true.
"They're beginning to tap into their true potential
by designing the life they've always wanted for themselves,"
said one military official who asked not to be identified.
"They are in the process of conditioning themselves for
wealth and success by ending the self-sabotage which has led
them down the wrong path before. This could have serious consequences
for anyone who gets in their way -- like us."
Government officials admit they were surprised at the rate
in which the insurgents had both embraced the tapes and put
them to practical use, and now speculate it will become a
race towards self-empowerment and self-realization which could
potentially throw the entire Middle East out of sync.
"Unfortunately, they're using our own motivational tapes
against us, which was certainly unforeseen by our intelligence
community," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said. "It
has quickly become a battle towards personal power and I can't
tell you who, at this time, is winning. That's really up to
each individual to decide for himself or herself."
"I have the power to shape my own destiny," Iraqi
Oman el-Zahari said to a small group of insurgents, who repeated
every phrase. "With this, I cannot fail. Now please visualize
yourself capturing and beating the occupiers like dogs in
the street."
In the streets of Mosul where anti-American sentiment is
high, clerics are teaching locals how to tap into their own
potential by removing disempowering belief systems and by
"getting the edge."
"We were taught how to get rid of our most disempowering
beliefs, by confronting them and outwardly telling them, 'you
have no power over me!' student Rahni Sahib said. "After
that, we wrote down a bunch of new, self-empowered beliefs
to replace the old ones. Then we had cookies and beverages."
"It was the greatest 2000 Dinars I ever spent,"
Sahib said. "Thank you, Guthy-Renker, whatever that means."
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