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Washington, DC - In a statement attributed to al-Qaeda
leader and wanted terrorist Ayman al-Zawahri, the alleged
right hand man to Osama Bin Laden "one-upped" the
Bush administration by asserting they now hated Americans
"times infinity."
A hush fell over a large crowd as the letter was read during
evening prayers at a mosque on the outskirts Tikrit, the hometown
of Saddam Hussein where support for al Qaeda is very strong.
"We have hated the Americans more and more everyday,
but today, I announce, we hate the Americans times infinity!"
read the letter delivered early this week to the Al Jazeera
television network.
White House spokesman Scott McClellan seemed caught off guard
by news of the letter and said the Bush administration would
have a measured response only after careful analysis.
"Somebody, quick, call a mathematician!" McClellan
screamed.
Several White House staffers appeared to throw in the towel
as rumor of the letter made its way through Washington. One
high-level government source admitted no matter how much they
hated terrorists and al-Qaeda, nobody could possibly hate
anyone more than infinity— despite President Bush's assertion
that it was "just fuzzy math."
As defeated as the Bush administration appeared, not everyone
in the Arab world was rejoicing with the news of al-Zawahri's
statement.
"We have nowhere to go but down," explained Iraqi
cleric and renown America-hater Ahmed al-Dulaimi. "How
can we possibly hate the Americans more if we already hate
them times infinity? We should have paced ourselves. Personally,
I was telling most people I wished them a thousand deaths
and wanted them to suffer like rats. But at least that gave
us room to grow."
The White House refused to answer additional questions about
the letter, except to say, "we will respond at a time and
in a method of our own choosing. "
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