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by Curtis Matthews

The Treasury Department this week released the stunning results of an economic study, showing the United States could face 'a serious risk of recession' in the event of a massive nuclear attack. That, and most of us would be dead.

The study, conducted by 32 of the world's most highly-paid economists, concludes that nuclear Armageddon might seriously affect the nations' commerce and industry, which in turn would cause 'a sizable economic downturn.'

"This report paints an ugly picture," Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill said. "Imagine New York, L.A., and Chicago being incinerated by nuclear devices. Tens of millions of American consumers killed, and thus unable to work and spend. Hundreds of millions more too sick from nuclear fallout to frequent the nations' stores. It's very possible such a tragic event could reverse the recovery our economy has made over the past six months.

O'Neill said the study itself stops short of using the term "recession," but it paints a grim picture for the profit margins of the nation's Fortune 500 corporations. "A sustained attack against America from Iraqi or Pakistani thermonuclear missiles is estimated to make a serious dent in corporate operating profits, with the energy and technology sectors facing declines as high as 8%."

This would, according to O'Neill, lead to a further increase in the U.S.'s jobless rate which would have already resulted from the instant vaporization of 10 to 30 percent of our workforce.

Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan's reaction to the study is also bleak. "At primary issue is the effect the massive atomic destruction would have on inflation," Greenspan said. "The immediate drop in demand for consumer goods along with the long-term decline in population caused by radiation-induced sterility -- would almost certainly lead to higher prices. By then, interest rates could plummet to levels that would make lending close to unprofitable for banks. I shudder to think what would happen if Sallie Mae doesn't reach its earnings objectives."

The White House has yet to make an official response to the alarming study, but Vice President Dick Cheney personally praised the study as a validation of what the Bush Administration has pushed for all along.

"Lower taxes, smaller government, Alaskan oil drilling," Cheney said. "It is vital we cut through the red tape and get started on these things. I'm not sure yet why they are relevant to nuclear war. But rest assured, I'll think of something."

Above: Economists agree we should avoid widespread nuclear war

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