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WEST BANK — The look on the face of 17-year old
Palestinian Ayat al-Akhras said it all. She was spellbound
as she watched a compelling video presentation by members
of the militant Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade on the benefits of
becoming a suicide bomber.
The grainy homemade video shows exactly what happens to young
girls from the time their heads are ripped from their torsos,
to just minutes later, when more than a dozen towel boys rub
a soothing mixture of guava and aloe into her dry skin. It
was more than enough to convince al-Akhras.
"My favorite part was when all these cute boys feed
me grapes and then tell me I'm a real "ji-hottie,"
al-Akhras said. "I haven't been this excited since I
got to use the indoor toilet at the Jerusalem Jack in the
Box!"
While heavenly promises to male suicide bombers include 72
virgins, Arab clerics confirmed for the first time Thursday,
that heavenly gifts for female suicide bombers would include
15 towel boys, a deluxe Lacôme gift pack, and unlimited
time in the spa. Though tanning and facials would be extra,
female bombers would be receive a coupon for three chemical
peel treatments, two hours on the tanning bed and an as yet
undermined amount of electrolysis.
The new offer wasn't enough to convince all the women to
strap on the explosive belt. Several Palestinian women admitted
they were somewhat disappointed by what Heaven had in store
for martyrs.
"I appreciate everything Allah has promised," 20-year-old
Andaleeb Taqatqa said as she bought groceries for her family.
"But there's no way I'm killing myself unless I get at
least 50 towel boys, unlimited electrolysis and some new boobs.
Nothing outrageous -- just a nice nice C cup would be fine."
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