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BASRA, Iraq — In the battlefield, they consider themselves
brothers. They've fought together. Slept in foxholes together.
They come from different parts of the world but they've shared
a common bond for more than 200 years. American G.I.s and
British soldiers have formed a cameraderie in the deserts
of Iraq not seen in more than a half century. But when they
were recently forced to shower together, American forces noticed
some big differences with their British counterparts. Differences
that at first threatened that unique friendship.
The conversation varied slightly as it played itself repeatedly
in makeshift showers all over the Persian Gulf.
"Hey bro, your penis looks kind of weird."
"Aye mate, that's called a foreskin."
"A what?"
"A foreskin. I'm uncircumcized. It's rather common in
Europe."
"Dude, you should get that fixed."
The questions soon turned to teasing, to which the Brits
were unaccustomed. Word got around the barracks that the British
troops were "different."
"Boody right we were pissed with all the pointing and
name-calling," said Capt. Simon Brody, a member of the
Royale Air Corps. "We tried to find common ground with
a game of football, but when we were organized by 'shirts
and skins,' we really horribly ostrocized by the Yanks."
When British troops realized that Iraqis and other Muslim
men are also circumcized, they came to the conclusion they
had, perhaps, the only foreskins in the entire Gulf region.
"We suddenly became self-concious," explained one
British commander who asked to remain anonymous. "It
became impossible for our men to fight with those things flapping
around in the wind."
"We felt so ugly. It was as if the entire world was
not paying attention to our brave soldiers and just focusing
on our bits and pieces. It was awful."
As a gesture of goodwill, U.S Army medics and Jewish Chaplains
will now offer free "battlefield circumcisions"
to British soldiers on a volunteer basis. It is one more way
to show the bond between Americans and British could not be
broken.
"We're truly excited about our new Americanized penises,"
Lee said. "It's fucking brilliant."
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