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BAGHDAD, Iraq - Coalition forces announced a stunning
find Thursday, when they unearthed what appeared to be a large
cache of G.I. Joe pants in a network of underground bunkers
recently abandoned by Iraqi troops.
Officials admitted the 24 metal canisters found in the bunker
networks were probably not filled with chemical or biological
weapons as initially thought, but Pentagon officials cautioned
they were performing further tests to confirm the materials
were indeed thousands of pairs of missing action figure pants.
"It does not appear at this time to be weapons of mass
destruction," Brig. Gen. Vincent Brooks said during his
daily press conference at Central Command. "But that
doesn't mean we won't find any, it just means the Iraqis are
really really good at hiding stuff."
Thousands of American children and adults celebrated when
they heard the news that the G.I. Joe pants which somehow
went missing during the last 12 years might eventually be
returned to their rightful owners.
"I can't believe it," 38-year old action figure
collector Will Rameson said. "I've been searching for
his pants for years. I had no idea they ended up in Iraqi
hands. I'm just glad their safe and not removed from their
highly collectable packaging."
The pants, along with other G.I. Joe accessories, including
gas masks and chemical suits were found by U.S. Special Forces
after brave Iraqi civilians pointed out their location.
Officials were quick to mention that G.I. Joe's missing genitalia
were still nowhere to be found and may be permanently lost.
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