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BURBANK, CA - Rescue workers confirmed a temp worker
working for the Disney Corporation was accidentally thrown
away in a nearby dumpster sometime in the afternoon on Thursday
or Friday.
According to sources, Rick Hoag, a 31-year-old aspiring
writer who had been filling in as a temp in the marketing
department since February, was somehow mistaken for a piece
of refuse and discarded.
"We're not exactly sure what happened but we think he
must have gotten mixed up with the trash from an executive's
lunch," said Disney Spokesperson Sondra Meyer. "Workers
are told to be especially careful when throwing away property
and somehow Mr. Hoag fell through the cracks. "
Hoag's absence was eventually noticed by senior marketing
director Jamie Strauss when she needed someone to carry several
heavy boxes up the stairs. She didn't think much of it at
the time because by nature, temp workers and interns are lazy
and shiftless and take especially long lunch breaks, but she
insists company protocol is to always check the dumpster when
a worker is missing for more than 24 hours. She just happened
to forget.
Unable to think or make decisions for himself, Hoag remained
in a plastic trash bag for nearly four days surviving on a
diet of foam peanuts and passing the time by reading old drafts
of "Mulan" and "Ice Age," which he found
inspiring. Finally, a homeless man with a sharp stick rescued
him on Monday morning at the county landfill.
"We're just glad we have him back safe and sound,"
Strauss said. "And as long as we have heavy boxes to
move, he has a permanent job here at Disney. Where is that
guy anyway?"
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