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PARIS - France held secret military exercises in order
to better prepare for an eventual surrender should they ever
be attacked, say officials in the government.
The training exercises, which began within days after the
September 11 terrorist attacks in America, focused on a coordinated
effort between the French government and the military in case
they are confronted by the slightest act of aggression by
a foreign country.
"The policy of of an immediate and unconditional surrender
is not left up to chance as many would believe," says
Jean-Pierre Le Carche, deputy assistant to the French U.N
Envoy. "Every aspect is methodically planned so as not
to disrupt the wonderful French way of life."
The first step, according to Le Carche, is "to apologize
profusely to the angry country and then act like we didn't
know anyone was mad at us. We say things like 'who us? What?
We didn't do anything wrong. We're on your side.'"
If the aggression continues, the government is instructed
to immediately blame another country or a minority for the
hatred they have brought upon the true French people.
"Most likely we would blame everything on either the
United States, the Jews or both. Preferably both. Then we
begin deporting people. Of course, who will be deported depends
on the country asking. If it's the Jews, that's easy. We just
hand them a list of addresses."
The third measure is invoked only if previous efforts have
failed to produced results.
"Our troops are told to immediately lay on the ground
like sheep. This momentarily confuses the enemy while our
leaders quickly flee to Switzerland."
According to former French General Luc-Paul Didier, France
has learned from its mistakes of the past, particularly during
the German invasion of World War II.
"We got it all screwed up in those other wars by laying
down like sheep first and then deporting people second,"
Didier said. "If we would have just planned a little
better, we might have actually shared a beer with the German
troops instead of prostituting our wives for a warm baguette.
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