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GAZA STRIP – Yasser Arafat, just hours before
the grand opening, vowed the brand new "Gaza Strip Club"
would be a prime destination spot for tourists, Palestinian
refugees and procrastinating suicide bombers.
Instead, the Palestinian territories' first ever gentleman's
club was burnt to the ground by Israeli soldiers who accused
the proprietors of harboring wanted terrorists, Palestinian
militants and "wildly ugly veiled chicks."
Hailed as "a bold step in widening the boundaries of
the forbidden arts" in its brochure and advertising,
the club offered a mildly provocative "For Your Ears
Only" striptease where locals were invited to listen
to exotic dancers remove their unmentionables behind darkened
screens.
The club opened to a hail of bullets as Palestinian gunmen
praised Allah for the "ji-hotties" they were about
to receive. They were soon disappointed.
The billed star of the show, Egyptian dancer Khuram Kifayat
(or "Delightful Surplus" when translated from Arabic)
didn't seem to have much of a surplus of anything, unless
of course, you are referring to a surplus of body hair which,
in comparison, made Robin Williams look like a 12-yea- old
Japanese girl. But that didn't seem to stop the scuffles between
the patrons to get a peek of Kifayat through the quarter-sized
holes in the darkened screen.
The highlight of the show included a energetic rendition
of "If I Were a Rich Man" from the Broadway musical
"Fiddler on the Roof, ending in a mock suicide bombing
of Teyve and his entire family. The audience roared with approval
until they realized nobody was getting naked. Then they rioted.
Palestinian gunmen assisted Israeli troops in destroying
the facility.
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