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Bedford Falls, NY - U.S. officials reported Wednesday
that the bulk of new construction contracts to rebuild Iraq
would be awarded to independent developer Old Man Potter of
Bedford Falls, NY. The decision stirred up resentment and
controversy locally, with one official calling the decision
a result of "bribery and coercion by a likely friend
of the Republican Party and Dick Cheney."
Potter, 108, a wealthy landowner and mortgage lender based
in unincorporated Pottersville, has been criticized for his
lack of compassion for the everyday working man who just wants
to own his own home. He has been accused of dishonest business
practices, including an old allegation he stole $8000 from
the Bailey Building & Loan, a beloved Bedford Falls institution
which has had a long history of cash flow problems and mismanagement,
but continues to thrive because of community handouts that
seem to occur every holiday season, despite federal investigations
of tax evasion and fraud.
Pottersville subdivision residents hailed the decision, saying
they felt that Mr. Potter could do for the citizens of Baghdad
and Iraq what he's done for the people of Bedford Falls.
"That's right, I'm talking about hookers, brothels and
taverns," said Mr. Gower, the extremely elderly owner
of the Bedford Falls drugstore, who was arrested last year
for slapping a delivery boy and accidentally putting poison
in a bottle clearly marked "cocaine."
New York millionaire Sam Wainright criticized the decision
saying that the building contracts should have gone instead
to George Bailey and the Bailey Building & Loan.
"Hee Haw! Hee Haw!" Wainright said when he heard
the news.
Bailey, 94, was flattered by Wainright's statement, admitting
he would love the Iraqi contracts but he had plans to finally
attend college in the fall --something he's been putting off
for several decades and this might be his last chance.
Despite years of friendship and kind words, Bailey threatened
to punch Wainright in the throat if he ever made that stupid
mule sound again.
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Above:
Old Man Potter is the richest man in town, despite the fact
that he has no friends.
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