EDITORIAL:
TORTURING PEOPLE AND THEN TAKING EMBARRASSING PHOTOS OF
THEM IS WRONG!
by Jen Gillis, Age 15
Hi.
As a member of the young generation that will one day lead
this country, I am very concerned about people who are mean
to Iraqi prisoners and then take embarrassing photos of
them while they're naked. First of all, it is wrong to abuse
prisoners —even if they started it first. No matter
how much we hate Middle Eastern people and want to beat
them up, I feel that this kind of behavior is very, very
wrong and must stop immediately.
More»
BOB
USES FAKE FLYING TECHNOLOGY TO FIGHT WHITE COLLAR CRIME
Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
Dear Journal,
I'm totally going to quit my job if I get demoted again. If
there was a way I could make money fighting white collar crime
while retaining my health insurance benefits, I would totally
pursue that full-time. Last week, I spent my entire paycheck
on a computer program that makes it look like I'm flying.
I'm not sure why.
Even if I could fly, I still couldn't see a whole lot of white
collar crime— I'm nearsighted for one, and also most
of that kind of criminal activity usually happens indoors.
Now if I had x-ray vision that would be different, but I'm
assuming I would be too busy trying to look through Kim Soo's
clothes to notice anything else. Plus that computer program
is way more expensive.
One
Year Ago Today—
April 30, 2003:
BOB:
WHITEY STILL SORT OF KEEPING ME DOWN
Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
Dear Journal,
My unemployment runs out in 3 weeks and unless I can sell
the novel and/or screenplay I'm working on, I'm going to
be forced to take that job driving the short bus to school.
I know it's not accounting-related but I've had a tough
time finding work, which I think is a direct result of the
mostly white, accounting establishment, who are clearly
worried that a guy like me could suddenly become famous
and then leave in the middle of tax season. The short bus
people don't seem to care about that or the fact that I'm
driving on a suspended license. They're way too busy wondering
how the retarded kids are going to get to school. I know,
it sounds too good to be true!
SHIZZY
GETS BUSY: THE INTERVIEW
Shizzy
Joyce, in his first formal interview ever, talks openly
and candidly about his successes and failures in the prank
email industry. Read some excerpts of the educational and
sometimes emotional interview conducted by David Obuchowski
from the popular zine Late Sunday Afternoon Depression.
Read
the interview
Turnoffs:
Poorly made shrapnel, tight underwear, Jews
Favorite
fighting words: "Allahu Akbar"; "jihad";
"Who let the dogs out"
Pros:
Religious; committed to cause; attractive collection
of scarves and masks makes "ji-hotties" swoon with
delight
Cons:
Works late hours; reeks of C-4 plastic explosives; stolen
Army food always gets stuck in beard
Recently:
Agreed to ceasefire compromise in Fallujah, but only during
Thursday night's episode of "Friends" where both
sides will learn whether or not Rachel moves to Paris and
how Ross really feels about it.
Recent
Quote: "Is that an SA-16 rocket launcher in your
pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
Even if I could fly, I still couldn't see a whole lot of white
collar crime— I'm nearsighted for one, and also most
of that kind of criminal activity usually happens indoors.
Now if I had x-ray vision that would be different, but I'm
assuming I would be too busy trying to look through Kim Soo's
clothes to notice anything else. Plus that computer program
is way more expensive.
Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
Shizzy
Joyce, in his first formal interview ever, talks openly
and candidly about his successes and failures in the prank
email industry. Read some excerpts of the educational and
sometimes emotional interview conducted by David Obuchowski
from the popular zine Late Sunday Afternoon Depression.
Slightly
Promiscuous Television Analysis
by Media Whore 
What
I Learned at the Movies
