BFA
is now pandering to both webgeeks and television executives
with the premiere of our new animated series featuring the
most luvable out-of-work accountant on the planet. New episodes
will be released periodically so please keep checking back.
HIT PLAY AND SEE THE INTRO
BOB:
WHITEY STILL SORT OF KEEPING ME DOWN
Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
Dear
Journal,
My unemployment runs out in 3 weeks and unless I can sell
the novel and/or screenplay I'm working on, I'm going to be
forced to take that job driving "the short bus"
to school. I know it's not accounting-related but I've had
a tough time finding work, which I think is a direct result
of the mostly white, accounting establishment, who are clearly
worried that a guy like me could suddenly become famous and
then leave in the middle of tax season. The short bus people
don't seem to care about that or the fact that I'm driving
on a suspended license. They're way too busy wondering how
the retarded kids are going to get to school. I know, it sounds
too good to be true!
5.14.03 - Please
check out new columns by Debby, Shizzy, Bunsen and Media Whore.
Also, Niederman has turned in his movie review of "Down
with Love." Don't forget we are giving away autographed
Dukes of Hazzard photos to winners of the crappy
poetry corner. This week's winner is Jane Whitley who
couldn't write poetry to save her life. Congrats. At some
point next week we will be conducting an interview with James
"Rosco" Best so here's your one shot to ask
anything you want about The Dukes of Hazzard, his many movie
and television roles or perhaps Daisy Duke. He will try to
answer everything within reason. Send
questions to me. Special thanks this week to our "animation
team" led by the supremely talented, BFA staffer Sheryl
Carter.
5.7.03 - The
Dukes of Hazzard have been in my mind recently. And not in
a gay way. One of the reasons is because I realized that here
in Los Angeles, taking the police on a highspeed chase is
pretty much frowned upon no matter how honorable your intentions
(racing home to catch "Mr. Personality" on Fox may
get you 3-5). In Hazzard County however, the Duke boys could
destroy a fleet of police cars, head back to the ranch moments
later and then openly hit on sexpot cousin Daisy
over a refreshing glass of homemade whiskey. Those days are
long gone, folks. Our country has truly gone down the toilet.
Today, Boss
Hogg is dead. So is Uncle Jessie and even Waylon Jennings.
Also near death are Dixie flags, funny carwrecks, illegal
moonshine stills and innocent incestuous flirtation.
But one person
who is certainly NOT dead is BFA's new friend -- if I may
be so bold as to call a person who sent us an email a friend
-- I'm talking about that lovable but mostly dishonest, ass-kissing
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane, also known in certain circles as
"James
Best." In a matter of days, we've become so close
we now refer to him as Jim or Jimmy or even Jimbo depending
on our mood. Anyway, Rosco rocks and so does James Best. He's
even been nice enough to give us some free Dukes of Hazzard
autographed photos to give away in upcoming
contests. So please go visit
his website and do your part to keep the spirit alive
of the greatest, if not slightly racist, politically incorrect
show that was ever created in Hollywood. Long live the Dukes!
Scooter
P.S. We're still looking for
a new webmaster. Apply today.
**
For now on winning poetry entries will be awarded prizes on
a weekly basis. This month's prizes are awesome: A "Dukes
of Hazzard" 8x10 photo, autographed by James Best, aka
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane. Dig that!
- Happiness-
I
wish the world could be peaceful and happy,
Like I am
Especially right now, early in the morn'
When
I look to the pillow beside me,
And see you o'er there,
Sleeping and possibly dreaming about me
Covered in the sweet perfume of our love
I
wish the world could be independent and strong,
Like I am
But have really supportive parents,
And a nice apartment with good sheets and bedding
I
wish there was no poverty,
No prostitutes or beggars,
On the streets of some faraway country,
And people could go to good schools like Vassar or Duke
I
wish everyone could be successful and well-liked,
Like I am
And get good jobs with travel allowances,
At companies where people respect you and occassionally ask
you out
I
wish all the people could have the gifts
God
has given me:
My
boyfriend Robert, health, happiness, intelligence, success,
attractiveness, sensitivity, kindness, and the ability to
multitask
Winning
Poetry Submitted by Jane Whitley, Miami, FL
- One Last Goodbye to Suzy-
I
bet you thought my world
Would come screaming to a halt,
I bet you thought I would beg
And claim it was all my fault
But I didn't even cry
I bet you wondered if I would move on
Or sit and think of you,
Would I drown in my own misery
Missing a love so true?
I had a date 2 days later
And I didn't even cry
I bet you thought you were
The only one for me--
Our whole relationship was roses,
And you left me on my knees
But
I didn't even cry
Guess what?
Now I'm standing tall,
I found somebody new,
And she lets me do things to her
you never ever used to do
BFA
is now pandering to both webgeeks and television executives
with the premiere of our new animated series featuring the
most luvable out-of-work accountant on the planet. New episodes
will be released periodically so please keep checking back.
Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
