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Boy, was my vacation fun. Italy is one of the most beautiful
places on Earth and I was fortunate enough, along with the
other American Cardinals, to get an all expense paid trip
to Rome and the Vatican. And I even got to see the Pope!
DAY 1
After the airplane set down, me and a couple of the fellas
checked into the hotel and got ready for the evening's activities.
We were all exhausted from the long trip and we were just
anxious to get settled and unpack. Then after I took a long
hot shower, Cardinal Mahoney started snapping me with a towel.
Suddenly, everyone got involved and it was a big fight! It
was actually a lot of fun and it really gave us a second wind.
DAY 2
The next day, our caravan was driven right up to the Vatican
where we got to meet the Pope. He was super cool and really
nice even though his speech was a little boring. He talked
about child abuse and sins against God and all that stuff.
Yawn. For an old guy, he's really long-winded. Plus he's a
bit more religious than I expected.
After the speech, the other Cardinals and I were supposed
to split off into smaller groups to discuss all the problems
in America, but after about 10 minutes, someone broke out
a deck of cards and we played a couple of hands of blackjack.
Turns out I was the big winner, so I had to pay for dinner
and drinks that night
Though we were supposed to be well-rested for the seminars
the next day, we ended up talking all night in Cardinal Ortega's
room and had a blast raiding the minibar for munchies and
vodka. I have to admit, it was pretty intense conversation
at times and we all decided to retake our vows of celibacy.
Some of the guys had to be prodded a little, but the London
Children's Choir, who was staying in the adjoining rooms,
checked out early, so it was a bit easier.
DAY 3
The next day there was more talking and stuff and we were
allowed to go back to our rooms and pray a bit more and ask
God for guidance in our difficult challenge back home. After
awhile, a couple of us snuck out of the hotel and, well let's
just say by morning there were lots of celibacy vows taken
again.
DAY 4
I wasn't feeling so good after that crazy night on the town,
so I decided to call in sick and not attend the prayer breakfast.
When everyone came back, we took a train to Florence to see
Michelangelo's masterpiece of sculpture, The David. It was
way more impressive than I had ever imagined. Several of the
guys, including myself, found ourselves staring at David's
genitals until our eyes watered. This may seem a bit strange
to outsiders, but it is actually the standard method a high-ranking
clergyman prays to God to remove lustful thoughts out of his
system. I think it worked because all of us felt reinvigorated
and ready to come back to America with our pipes clean.
What a fabulous trip this has been. I don't think any of
the Cardinals will ever forget it and neither will I. Whenever
I feel sad or lonely or lost, all I have to do is look at
the pictures and dream about Rome, the most beautiful, friendly
city in the world.
POPE RULES!
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Above:
Having the London Children's Choir in the adjoining hotel
rooms was one of the highlights of the trip to Rome, says
Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston
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