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Baghdad, IRAQ - Following weeks of insurgency attacks against U.S. troops, ground commander Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez announced a new initiative meant to help forces distinguish between "good Iraqi civilians and other people who are just trying to kill us."

The plan would allow Marines patrolling Najaf, Karbala and other Iraqi hotspots experiencing prolonged battles with the militia of Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, to more easily determine who is the actual enemy.

"We first got the idea during when some soldiers were unwinding with a game of touch football, " Maj. Jeffrey West said during a press conference Thursday. "We thought, wow, it's so easy to know who to tackle or pass to because half the guys are wearing shirts and others aren't. It seems simple but the best plans usually are."

The Pentagon along with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld quickly approved the plan, and drew up rules over how to determine who would be "skins" and who would be "shirts."

"We're hoping the insurgents will agree to be skins, since they won't have to worry about uniforms and it's more casual obviously," Rumsfeld said. "Plus, it's really hot out there."

A spokesman for al-Sadr released a statement agreeing to the new rules but on the condition that they be allowed to be "shirts," since most of his militia is "a little pasty from wearing robes and masks all day and don't really have a base tan."

Further, the statement made mention of "self-conscious and somewhat overweight freedom fighters who just don't want to walk around getting teased."



 

Above: Marines demonstrate how much easier it is to distinguish between "skins" and "shirts" on the battlefield


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