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WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Bush
is hopeful the recent Darth Vader comparisons he's experienced
during the past month will soon overtake previous comparisons
to Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin and other ruthless dictators
known for murder, genocide, torture and oppression.
"The President is hopeful that his image will continue
to soften during and after the premiere of the final Star
Wars movie," White House Spokesman Scott McClellan said
at a press conference Tuesday. "President Bush is well
aware that Darth Vader is considered a villain in most parts
of the world, but deep inside the robotic exterior of the
sadistic leader of the Dark Side, lurks a man who was not
only a Jedi warrior but also the object of Natalie Portman's
affection. The President can live with that."
Bush, who has seen all the Star Wars movies, denies ever
actually rooting for the Dark Side, and has stated on multple
occasions that as the leader of the free world he needs to
remain fair and impartial and not seem like he's taking sides.
He uses the same approach during the Super Bowl.
"All I know is I'm not like Hitler at all," Bush
said at the White House Rose Garden Tuesday. "For starters
Hitler was German and had a mustache. I'm American and I've
never had a mustache. I had long sideburns during the seventies,
but so did everyone else. That doesn't make me like Hitler
and I'm sick and tired of the unfair comparisons. As for Darth
Vader, well, we're both tall and have good jobs, so I guess
you'll just have to judge for yourself."
Bush went on to say that he's optimistic that people would
rather see him as the cool-as-a cucumber leader Darth Vader
than the former Nazi dictator responsible for the deaths of
millions of innocent people.
"Darth Vader was a guy who thought he was doing the
right thing," Bush said. "He had a lot of responsibility
and had to be tough sometimes. Maybe he made some bad decisions
along the way, but I think he did the best he could."
Added Bush, "The history books will show my legacy differently.
And in fifty years, Darth Vader will probably be considered
a genius."
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Above:
President Bush prefers the Darth Vader comparisons to the
Hitler comparisons.
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