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Humor
Links Below
Please
don't use them. Please. I'm asking you nicely. Stay here.
It's nice and warm here. Fine, pants are optional.
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BOB STOPS TO SMELL THE ROSES, GETS ATTACKED
BY SWARM OF KILLER BEES
 Reprinted
from Bob's private journal
Dear Journal,
While the nurses were pulling the 432 stingers
out of my face last week, I had one of those epiphanies. You know,
the sort of "light bulb" kind of moment like Albert
Einstein had right before he discovered electricity. I realize
now that I've been a total idiot and I should be happy I got fired
from Septicorp. Other than the brain swelling, which is normal
after being injected with the venom of hundreds of africanized
bees, I still have my health. I'm totally free from the constraints
of work and now I can do anything I want, like working on my screenplay
or dating or riding a freight train across the country like one
of those hobos. This is going to be the greatest summer of my
life!
READ
MORE OF BOB'S JOURNAL»
**New entries 5.22.02**
|
 EDITOR'S
RANT 5.22.02
Dear
Minions,
You
have to check out the all new dress-up
Bob page!This is really really cool and we will be updating
it regularly so please take a look. As I told you last week,
we're now updating the site on Wednesdays instead of Mondays
so mark your calendars. New columns below and you can still
read about my encounter with Tony
Danza here, which is reprinted from the mailing
list Please sign up if you haven't already.
All
My Love,
Scooter
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 SHIZZY'S
MAILBAG
New
entries 5.22.02
Cruel, Cruel Email From
Deep Within the Bowels of Slacker Hell
Send all hatemail, fanmail,
weird pics to
Shizzy Joyce and if they're funny, we'll post
'em.
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 1970's
Chinese action star, Jimmy "Yu" Weng Po offers
advice for losers, substance abusers and flabby, out-of-shape
Americans. Weekly.
ASK
YU New
Entries 5.22.02
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 Get
dating and relationship advice from Debby, the somewhat
bitter, mediocre-looking friend of several really hot chicks.
Weekly.
Read
Debby's Column New
Entries 5.22.02
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"La Cookie Doodie"
There's a time for all the love in the world,
And that time could be now,
If you think this untrue,
then why do we wish for the fuzziest hugs
from bunnies
and retards
when they run and play?
—Aldo Nagy, Location Unknown
Are you a crappy poet? Send
it in
.
Join
Our Mailing List
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Suicide
Bomber Thwarted After Failing to Locate Box of Galvanized
3 1/4" Nails At New Jersey Home Depot Read
Article »
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Jimmy
Carter Returns From Cuba With New Diplomatic Ties, Raging
Case of Gonorrhea Read
Article»
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Senate
Debates Health Coverage for All Seniors, Except One
Withered Old Bitch in Georgia Read
Article »
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White House Ignored Pre 9/11 Warnings by FBI, CIA, Miss
Cleo Read Article»
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MY
EX-GIRLFRIEND
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Vital Stats
Marital Status: "I love my new
boyfriend and I'm finally glad I found someone I can commit
to someday as opposed to my ex-boyfriend who just wanted to
have sex with me even though he knows I decided to stop being
slutty and not have sex again until I'm married."
Turn Ons: Musicians,
bad boys, Prozac, guilt
Turn Offs: Guys
with websites, writers, computer geeks, guys who pay rent
to live in their parent's basement
Claim to Fame: "Born-again virgin"
I Wish: "I will continue to be
beautiful and rich and successful and then eventually marry
a wonderful man and immediately quit my job and stop going
to the gym and sponge off of him while he works two jobs and
eventually dies and then spend what's left of his money after
paying off the hospital bills"
Recent Quotes: "I'm not breaking
up with you because of your looks or because you don't have
a fancy car. It's because of your small penis"
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