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Chicago, IL - In an act of brazen rebelliousness,
stock analyst Steve Hershey got his first tattoo, despite
unwritten rules at Merrill Lynch that middle-aged professionals
not come to work "appearing like hoodlums."
Hershey, 44, labeled a "nice guy" and a "non-threat"
by friends and coworkers alike, poured through six books of
tattoos at Nick's Art & Piercings on Montrose Ave. before
he finally found the one that would secure his image as a
nonconformist bad-boy.
"I've wanted a tat my whole life. A tat is short for
tattoo -- anyway, now that my parents are dead and will never
see it, I decided the time was finally right to show my colors."
Merrill Lynch coworkers say the tattoo was a bit of a surprise
as was his insistence on wearing cutoff t-shirts to work to
display the tattoo, but they admit Hershey has been acting
a bit strange lately.
"He set his computer homepage to some kind of sadomasochistic
biker gang and made sure that everyone saw it," secretary
Judy Hills said. "I always felt really comfortable and
at ease around Steve, but maybe he leads some kind of dangerous
secondary life we know nothing about."
"Nah," Hills suddenly laughs. "We're talking
about Steve."
Hershey maintains he has always been seen as the non-threatening
guy but that deep down lurks a multifaceted man fully capable
of rape or perhaps even murder.
"This new Apple tattoo should be a wake up call to all
those women who don't think twice about coming back to my
place late at night after a movie and a few cocktails. They
used to think I would just offer them my couch and some fresh
towels because it was too late to drive home, but now I think
they'll realize that I'm an aggressive man who may take them
forcibly if I so desire."
"They're just lucky I didn't get the Calvin and Hobbes
tattoo, Hershey adds. "That definitely has a more psychotic
element to it."
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