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East Lansing, MI - After 17 years of
subterranean hibernation, trillions of cicadas will crawl
their way above ground leaving their protective shells behind
in search for mating opportunities.
According to senior biologist Glenn Gordon
based at nearby Michigan State University, the insects emerge
after all these years looking a lot better than his wife after
the same period of time.
"I remember exactly what I was doing 17 years ago the
last time [the cicadas] arrived," Gordon said. "I
had just married my beautiful sexy wife Holly and I was looking
forward to spending the rest of my life waking up next to
her."
Seventeen years later, Gordon is still married to the same
woman, but he says she's not quite as well preserved as the
cicadas he's studied so closely all these years.
"Many people find cicadas to be noisy and scary-looking,
but I'm used to it," Gordon says. "All I have to
do is look over next to me and I get a daily reminder of what
17 years looks like in real time."
Gordon draws many other comparisons between his own married
life and the cicadas he loves to study.
"Well for starters the cicadas are well known for their
frenzied mating ritual that only occurs once every 17 years
without any warning. That's sort of like our sex life --except
in our case, I really have no choice in the matter."
Gordon says that although he loves his wife
and cicadas equally, he wishes she could spend a little time
in a cocoon -- away from the damaging rays of the sun and
where there isn't any hard liquor or cigarettes to speed up
the aging process.
"Don't get me wrong, I still love my
wife," Gordon says. "As a scientist, I should have
expected her appearance would change after 17 years of marriage.
I guess I was a bit naive because the cicadas looked so damn
fantastic.
Added Gordon: "If only humans could take
a long nap underground and come back up for occassional sex
and then back to another long nap. There would be no such
thing as a divorce."
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